"No copyright intended, all credit to @homer_marijuana".
done (pronounced like 'bone')
and how does it make you feel that Homer Simpson smoke weed?
well, he doesn't. but i often imagine if he did.
Homer, would you smoke this weed with me?
Well, I never have... But I know you've often thought about it.
Homer... smoke weed?
And then what if Homer puffed it? Like this [pantomimes puffing joint]
[laughing] Bush you are insane
It could happen.
[frankly] Did Homer Simpson smoke weed?
[long pause, then a sad grin] I don't know
I do not.
Can i take your order sir
sorry. was thinking about ho0mer smoke weed
i can't sir
BUhhh i mean f*cking... what if though? Homer simpson hiting a blunt, why not
[stares blankly into audience]
Oh, hey. Was just about to toke
OK. Let's do this then.
Light it up, then.
This is some good herb
I got it from my friend Moe
Moe the bartender?
He's also a weed dealer.
Ah. Hit this
ME as well
Moe as the good stuff
It get's me blazed
How come you never showed me how to skate?
You were always toking on Moe's herb.
I'm still your father.
I think it's cool you smoke green with me.
Have you ever toked out and played videogames?
Ah, [hitting joint] I'm older than most. It's beyond me.
I'll teach you.
I'm not sure.
Why? It's easy, father.
I feel as if I should tend to my various responsibilities.
Can I get in on this?
[holding in smoke] Come hit this.
Come and toke, sis.
This is some good shit.
It's from Afghanistan.
I'm worried about the war there.
Oh, shut up. Hit this.
You're too conscientious, Mags.
I like to smoke weed too. But I am also a dialectic thinker
[eyes widen] You MUST be kidding me.
I know, [coughs] it sounds silly.
I only care about blazing and enjoying myself.
Here's to that [he produces a large blunt]
You had that the whole time?
It's from his personal stash.
What goes on here? You smokin' with out me?
Oh, shit. Sorry. Hit this spliff, then, if you want.
It's good that we can smoke tons of weed as a family
It's strange but enjoyable.
What goes on here? Smoking without me?
[holding in smoke] [points at Marge] She just said the same thing.
Gosh, I haven't smoked in ages.
What's that mean? Since this morning?
[the family laughs]
Come on now. Lemme hit it.
[hits Homer's blunt] This is the good stuff.
[satisfied] You know it.
Would you expect any less from my father?
[visibly stoned] I'm becoming more concerned about the war in Afghanistan.
Oh come off it, you wet blanket! Shut your mouth!
We know... That's your problem. You're TOO serious.
She spends too much time in her own head.
I'm comfortable in my own head.
That's what the weed is for.
[everybody except Maggie laughs.]
Good one, Dad.
Forget about Maggie. Is anybody here NOT stoned? And where the hell is my other son?
Ken was at the bowling alley, last I heard
You bastards talking shit?
God, Ken. You are too brash. Calm down.
Hi, Ken. We were toking just now.
[to HOMER] Lisa is the only one who can communicate with Ken. He shuts the rest of us out of his life.
He has problems.
[to Marge] Marijuana helps him open up.
"Marijuana?" Homer, you are such a square!
A square with a big fat blunt.
Speaking of, let me hit that?
I don't have it.
What... Who has the blunt?
I have it.
Pass it here.
What the hell? No one told me about this smoke sesh.
It's getting crowded in my room. We should go.
Why not let's go to the gazebo?
"Why not let's?" Somebody's high.
Read a book sometime, moron.
Great. Hopefully the cops don't come by.
Oh shut up, and hit this fat blunt before I change my mind.
The cops can't see us back here anyway. That's why I call it the "Herb Fortress."
Don't be a smart ass, Mags
God damn! This is some good shit!
It's your own weed, doofus!
Actually I got that weed from Apu, the man from the store.
What's going on. Smoking without me?
Apu, hi. We were just talking about you. Well... your weed at least.
You moving in on my territory, Apu?
[tense silence among the group]
I'm only screwing around. We're friends
I can safely say that I'm high as hell. Now if only we had some snacks.
Well guess what. I work at the store, and I have snacks.
I'm sick of this fucking gazebo.
What's your problem, Ken?
Calm down, Ken. It's OK
Shut up, Ken.
I don't understand how I have two great kids and one awful one.
Homer! Not nice!
Be fair, dad.
Ken is a nuisance.
Guys, I can hear you.
We know, Ken. You need to hear this. Put the blunt down. You're done for today.
Can we lay off Ken now? He's been through a lot. Let's just toke and relax.
Cheers to that.
I came here to smoke out in a gazebo, not to get the willies from some nasty family drama.
Yeah, I'm freaking out. Pass the rock.
Could you please leave, Ken?
I'm the father.
You're also bogarting that blunt. Pass that shit.
You guys remind me of my family. Always fighting.
The weed helps.
[exhaling huge hit] Obviously not.
Can I hit that dope?
Who calls it "dope?"
I just did, you little snot. Now shut your mouth and pass that shit.
You can't talk to my children like that, Flanders.
... That was implied. Sheesh, how stoned are you?
This fatty is almost gone. Who has more bud?
I don't carry that shit with me.
Don't look at me... for both our sakes
That was the last of mine, father. I didn't think there would be so many people smoking it.
I only got one hit.
Who cares, Flanders? It's not like you ever pay for it.
Yet I put up with your trumpet playing at all hours of the night.
Folks, let's just calm down. Stoners like us are supposed to be docile, remember?
My husband is right. Chill.
I'm not going to be able to relax until I have more god damn green to toke.
Language, Bart! Language!
Apu, can we swing by your place?
I don't keep my shit at my place.
It's at the honeycomb hideout.
Well let's go to the damn hideout, then!
You need to chill.
Homer, calm yourself.
I want to smoke.
I come all the way over here to smoke and you losers have almost no weed? I'm out.
This is lame.
Now we're left alone in the gazebo with our family problems.
I can't deal with this right now. I'm going to go listen to music.
This is pathetic.
Oh, shut up.
You're all a bunch of drug addicts.
Like you didn't just hit the blunt 5 times
I smoke to release my latent creativity
Well I smoke to get fucked up. And this is my gazebo.
I'm out of here
Well, now it's just me and you.
Where did Ken go?
I have things to do. I'm going to go.
Great. Just leave me out here... stoned and by myself.
I had such high hopes for this afternoon.
Smoking weed with my family is only a temporary solution to our problems. It seems to unite us, but it only makes us more distant.
My daughter is a pedant, my sons are worthless. I have no friends. People only associate with me because they know I share my weed.
We are apart even when we are together. The drugs only widen the gulf between us by creating the illusion of a bond.
It has become a substitute for genuine love and connection. We're only a family when there is a blunt being passed among us.
I know I need to do something. But I'm so high... so high. I think I'll just lie down for now. I'll remember this when I'm sober.
Sonic, what gives? You've taken nearly 7 hits.
[exhaling huge hit] My weed, my rules.
Come on. Be fair.
Your bad boy persona alienates you from your peers.
I don't care. I need to be higher than everyone around me.
You don't care at all about others?
You act like you're just realizing this.
Maybe I'm just stoned. I don't know.
I understand your concerns. I just don't care about them.
I know you're selfish but why do you need to be so brash?
[passes the blunt to Homer] Hit this shit and shut your mouth.
[takes the blunt] Don't talk to me like that. It bothers me.
You're getting blazed on my dime. I'll talk to you however I want.
You didn't use to be like this. You changed.
You use weed to make friends, but then you treat them poorly. It's hurtful behavior.
[exhales huge hit in Homer's face]
Why won't you take this seriously?
Because you sound like a babbling stoned idiot. You're not making any sense.
Why won't you take this seriously?
Because you sound like a babbling stoned idiot. You're not making any sense.
It's true that I get emotional when I'm high, but I really do feel this way, even sober.
Give me the blunt. You're done.
I called you out and now you're withholding weed. This is what I'm talking about.
Be gone. Let me smoke in peace.
You don't want me to leave.
You know I'm a teenager, right? Do you know how weird this is?
You're 19. Hardly a teenager
I'd like to say you're mature for your age but that's not the case.
[exhales huge hit] Whatever old man
What made you like this?
You know what.
Your father's death? But you hated him.
Can we change the subject?
I just feel like I've lost a friend.
I'm right here, asshole.
You're there but you're not.
And why are you here?
Why can't we talk about your father.
Drop it, Homer.
No. I won't.
Drop it or get out of my apartment.
Why are you two fighting always? We can't just toke?
He's bothering me.
Sonic has unresolved issues.
You smell that? Weed?
Bart might be smoking in his bedroom. I sometimes wonder if I am capable of smoking weed.
I smoke weed all the time.
I smoke weed sometimes.
I'm thinking about smoking weed all fucking day.
I enjoy a good toke.
I never stop smoking.
I smoke weed at the appropriate time.
I'm addicted to weed.
Do you think he could do it?
Homer? Smoke weed?
I don't see why not.
I feel the same way.
It's totally possible!
I am a confident, well-to-do, middle aged man. There's nothing wrong with me enjoying some marijuana in moderation.
I need to pick up some weed after work, do you need anything while I'm in town?
Thanks but I don't think so.
Weed helps me cope with my problems.
I like weed because it makes me feel good.
I smoke weed to relax and reduce stress
Weed helps me be more creative.
Smoking weed helps clear my mind.
Smoking weed helps me love my family.
What do you like most about pot?
When I smoke it, my body starts to change. I see things differently. My son is everything
It's not a microphone.
Don't park on the grass.
-laughs- anything can happen
-still laughing- I can definitely see us making that work
Homer can do it -laughs-
Problem, Mr. Simpson?
Are you upset
This is schwag
e-excuse me sir?
Do you know how much that cost?
There's no crystals on it
SMITHERS examines the pot
There are no crystals on this sir
This is ridiculous. Get Mayor Quimby on the phone
Tragedy has struck
Why would they do this? Why would they attack us
What's going on?
The USA has been attacked
We don't know
What's going to happen
A war is going to happen
Am I safe?
How low can you go
To de flo
How low can you go
to the flo
How low can you go
To the flo
My son has been drafted
HOMER Takes a hit
This is unreal
He's so young
He's going to Iraq
I'm going to miss you guys
How about one last blunt?
For old time's sake
...Let's do it
I'm going to miss this
This treehouse is home to good memories
I made sure to get good shit
It's really good pot
It's the Moe shit
It's so sticky
Maybe Iraq has the good stuff?
I'm freaking out dad
It's just pot man
Not the pot. Dad, I'm scared
Me too..but you're smart. It will be fine
Why did they take over those planes? Why'd they ruin our peaceful life?
They hate our freedom
It's time to go
Son, I'm really proud of you
Dad. I love you
You'll always be my son
BART boards the bus
I'm wondering if we depend on herb too much as a family.
[blows a massive hit in her face] You depend on my herb. Now be gone.
My marriage is ruined. I can't look ken in the face without feeling rage. But this bud just keeps getting better.
[sobbing] I miss him. I miss him
Take care of business at home. Bart can take care of himself. Now hit this.
So I just pull the thing out and inhale?
Yeah, make sure y--
I'm joking. I know how to smoke a bong. Pass that shit.
I miss our son
Can I please just relax and blaze?
You act like he's already dead. He's fine. Hit this.
You're not worried about Bart in Iraq?
Of course I am [exhales huge hit] That's why I'm smoking this kush.
I don't agree with the war in Iraq. [exhales massive hit] I miss my son.
Christ... [exhales blunt hit] ...I never thought my son would be fighting in Iraq
[hits blunt] Moe you don't even have a son.
My son is not a killer.
[hits the blunt] He'll be fine
You're OK with this?
What choice do I have? Now hit this.
I haven't seen tropical man recently
we're all worried
is he fighting for our freedom?
there's no kush here. I'm dry as a bone
They only smoke hash here
they got me too
Do you have hash?
I have a lot of hashish to smoke
let's hit it
This war has changed me a lot.
But I still love to get high
I have a son in Iraq and my daughter is a devil
You're grounded from smoking weed.
He's been burping all day
He swallowed the hit
I can't focus on this job
Maybe you should go home. Roll a J
I need to earn for my family. What's left of it anyway
Simpson. We need to talk
I'm sorry about my performance.
It's about something else. Your pamphlets.
I'm anti-war. My son is over there. I haven't heard from him
You can't bring politics to the workplace
This is crazy.
The weed is one thing. We all love to toke. But you've gone too far
You cant silence me.
I can't. But I can cut you off
Don't do this to me
Cut him off.
You dug your own grave
No! My son!
Your son is doing something noble
The government made him their puppet
You need to keep this out of my plant
You need to keep your hands off of MY plant
I'm afraid it can't be undone
I'll find another dealer
With shit as good as Moe's?
Go ahead. Make my day.
This is fucked up.
[VAN PARKS NEAR HIM]
I heard you need goods
Who are you?
What do you have for me
I'll show you
That's too much
Too much of a good thing?
The saying is true
Fine. Have it your way™
You can't be okay with this.
I'm afraid I am
But you're my friend.
We were never friends. This was all business
But we toked on it together
I did with many.
You snake. You know what I'm going through
We all have problems, Homer.
You knew Bart. You loved him
You came to my home. You ate dinner with my family.
You spent $40,000 on weed in the past 3 years.
..I did but, these are War Times
I'm against it
Don't you fucking see? We all are
But my son
How many others?
Give your weed to me
I can't do that
I need to smoke
You have a visitor
is someone visiting?
There's a visitor
How's my offer sounding?
I can't afford it
[HOMER Packs final bowl]
What are you thinking
We all know.
They don't make them like that anymore
That place is sacred
Give him what he wants
That gazebo is special
I just want access. 24/7
My family lives here
I won't interfere
We built that together [Takes hit]
look at it
Vintage White Grape Game cigar.
I have guys
Can I see it
[CIRCUS BOB hands over blunt]
[inhales sharply] Bob
This is mids.
You think I'd bring the good shit here? To this slum?
We're in debt
Show me your kush
Let's take this to the Gazebo. I'd love to see inside
Fine. But my son loves that Gazebo
How did you..
I have a man in their base
My son is there
Your son is doing fine. I know all about him.
Is he safe?
He's hitting the bong as we speak
And Tropical Man?
MIA. Two weeks.
Let's get to business
Bob...I need to see my son
Full access, Homer.
....Will my family be fine?
Like they were my own
I agree to the deal.
I can arrange your goals to be met
We need to do something first
I packed it already
Let me get greens
No. [TAKES MASSIVE HIT]
... This is shady
Take your hit
What do you say? The weed is burnt.
Okay. it's Cashed
It's just what we say here
I always said cashed
My father said beat. But I say kicked
I say kicked too
Can you repack this fucking shit? I need to smoke
You'll leave for Iraq tomorrow
I'm doing this for my son
I know. [Exhales]
I'm worried about my father. He provides for us but he spends all his time upgrading his weed accessories and buying more weed.
It's important for a father to bring home big sacks of weed for his family to smoke.
[exhales huge bong hit] Hear fucking hear
I'm scared being over here. I miss the comforts of home and chiefing with my father and sister.
I don't smoke but I'm terrified.
Do you think our brother will ever come home?
There's no way of knowing
All I want is to chief with him.
I'm worried about the Simpson family
That boy belongs in Iraq
I don't care.
He's only 19
Are the Simpsons okay?
All of gods children make of out okay
This shit is serious. Can you shut the fuck up?
Homer hasn't posted on grass city for days
He's not out and about
Homer has his own plans
Get on the fucking floor, Simpson.
I'm a normal comfortable American boy. I'm not a warrior.
On the fucking floor.
I think you pushed Homer too far
I made the wrong choice. We're all concerned for homer
Its not a microphone
You've been a piece of stoner shit on the heel of my boot since day 1.
At home I make all of my friends laugh. I'm loved
Can we smoke on this plane?
What? After the attacks? Not anymore.
What have they done to us...
I don't believe in this war
Please pass the J
Our brother is brave and our ancestors would be proud
Don't worry about al Qaeda. I'm your new worst enemy
I want to be smoking weed in my living room with my family
The security guards didn't find my blunt wraps
They don't know what it is. They only smoke hash
At home I am loved and adored. In this strange country I am treated like a dog and denied my humanity. My identity is disintegrating.
I took my family and the comforts of home for granted. Now I am at the nadir of my brief life. I long for the comfort of marijuana
I try to fit in but I am not made for war. I am a peaceful stoner boy. How I miss my father. How I miss my bubblers and chillums.
I feel naive to have been so complacent and serene back home. But how could I know that I would soon be asked to kill a human being?
Last night I awoke from a dream, trying to grab a passed blunt that wasn't really there. I feel this emptiness at all times.
I am no longer a peaceful and gregarious weed smoker. I am an attack dog of the imperialist state. My only function is to kill.
I need to learn to suppress my emotions, my longings for home. The only way for me to survive is to accept that I am a killer.
I am a soldier now. There is now way out. There is no going home. There is no home. I will die in this desert.
I made bbq'd lobster cheddar portabello caps, maple glazed asparagus, fresh quahogs...
Leave me alone
You need to smoke
I don't know where my husband's gone
He's probably re-upping? We're dry.
This family used to smoke an ounce per day
You don't think it's problematic to gauge our family's success by marijuana consumption?
[exhales huge blunt hit] Go to bed.
This medicinal grade sure is good shit. I really like it.
[inhales from vapor whip]
It eases my pain
Where's your husband?
I'm drunk and I'm high.
Go home, Moe.
I miss him so much.
We don't know where he is.
Is he in trouble?
Maybe. But if he is, I know he's doing it for our family.
He's such a good man.
[smiling] He is... he is.
I can't drive like this.
Come have a toke. I'll wake the kids.
Sorry, all we have is spice from the gas station.
I don't smoke that crap.
Too good for spice, are we?
I'm sorry about Bart.
What about him?
You know... The whole Iraq thing.
Bart will be fine. He's a survivor.
My guy will let us in the base tonight. We'll wait on this hill
Let's smoke some more
Way ahead of you
[exhales] I can see the whole facility
It's where I deal
What are they doing to my son
I've been letting my kid smoke weed since third grade. But was it right? He's too soft. He's not ready for this. I'm not either.
I've been chiefing it since the 70s. I smoked to escape my parents fighting. Now I'm just as shitty as my old man.
I fucked up.
Homer. Your son might not be the same when you see him
I need to touch my kid
It might be difficult
So what if he's different? I know when I pass him the piece that he's gonna be the same old Bart
They changed him
Repack. We've bonded over the pipe for years, and you're telling me he won't enjoy it?
We don't know yet
Do you think any acts of terror or weapons of mass destruction could stifle my boy's love for chronic?
I don't know him
Well I do. We all do. Bart made us all laugh.
I love my fucking son
You sell to me now.
I sell to anyone with money
You only sell to me.
And if I don't?
I'll fuck you up
I have people
You don't seem to know who I am. Your people were mine before you were born
You're a kid
I'll kill you
I feel a terrible anxiety. I think something terrible is going to happen soon.
Hit this spice
We're smoking spice now?
This used to be a great family.
It still is, honey.
My brother is in Iraq. Dad's gone. We used to smoke an ounce a day.
You need to trust your father. He always gets us through the tough times. You know this.
What if he's in over his head?
Maybe he's in over his head. But we'll still have a roof over ours. Believe it.
He's a great man, isn't he?
My man is coming
Chill. Keep toking it. He smokes too
You guys can come down. don't even worry. I'm friends with Mike.
Mike's a good guy
Mike saved my ass
My son. Where is he
Mike? Where is he
He's in the rec room
This isn't my son
I don't even recognize him without a bong in his hand
He hasn't noticed us yet
The kid's wasted
Father? What the fuck? Why are...how?
What the fuck did they do to you..I'm going to cry.
Get this guy some herb
I don't want that shit around me
You heard me father
I'm a grown ass man. I'm here. Fighting for my-for YOUR fucking life. I can't sit around all day smoking kush. Not anymore.
I need clarity of mind, high reaction time, if I'm lifted out there, when it's either me or some terrorist, I'm a fucking goner.
This is for you, father. This is for our family. I think of you guys every time I turn down the hashish pipe.
I know you're anti-war. I was too. But this is what I have to be. I'm here for a reason. I met their demands. Now meet mine and leave.
I came here for you
Why? So you could get me high and show me SNL Web Shorts?
You love lasercats.
I love America
I want out. I was doing this for my son. That man is not my son.
Out? There is no out. You're in until we move these bricks
Let me call my wife
Why don't you pray instead?
You're a monster
I'm an entrepreneur
I don't care
[aside] What have I done? I'm in Iraq. My son is a mindless killing machine. My life is so fucked up.
It's been weeks. Where is father?
I don't know... I dont know.
We're running low on spice. Soon we'll be smoking salvia.
He will provide for us.
What if he left the family?
You're out of kush for 3 weeks and you lose faith in your father?
Bart... talk to me, son. Why did you change?
Do you want to know what I do for fun now, father? I shoot dogs in the street.
You used to be a peaceful boy.
Now I am a man of war.
You're a ghost.
Go smoke your pot you pathetic addict
You've lost faith in yourself, boy. You've lost faith in humanity.
I've lost faith in my depraved weed smoking father
You were going to teach me how to game
You were going to teach me Project Gotham Racing 4
You have time for that now? I have blood on my hands, father. I can't go back to that life.
We want to make you whole again
Come home, Bart. Toke with me, Maggie, Lisa, Ken. We'll be waiting for you with a freshly packed bowl.
Al Qaeda would love that
These soldiers...they aren't your friends.
You're right. They're my family.
I'm your family.
You're a drug addict.
Weed isn't addictive.
That's why the whole family is blazed 24/7?
I provide for that family.
You're a pusher
They smoke weed because they choose to. I don't force anyone to toke.
You use weed to make people love you.
You deny it?
You have it backwards. I provide dank kush because I love my family.
You're fucking delusional, Homer.
I miss the golden days when we had piles of fluffy dro to blaze
Our family is engulfed by darkness.
There is a shadow over the Simpson household.
Where is father? Where is brother?
I don't want to smoke this salvia.
We have to. I need to smoke.
Are we drug addicts?
We're recreational smokers.
What has our father done to us?
He provided for us.
Past tense? Do you think he's gone?
Shut up and hit this fucking salvia blunt. Let's blaze
[exhales] I hate it. The world is getting darker.
I feel like I'm in a nightmare
I want to die.
This salvia trip is a far cry from the luxurious purp we used to smoke daily.
The walls are closing in.
I miss Bart.
[looking out of kitchen window] Where is my husband? I feel that I should go to the police.
As the last remnant of THC leaves my system, the graveness of our family's situation occurs to me. How was I so naive?
Bart... Think about when you took that first hit of purp. Don't you miss it?
I get the same high from killing.
Some of the guys here can't handle it. It comes naturally to me. I was born to kill.
You were born to smoke.
You ghosted it on your first hit. You're a natural weed smoker. All the Simpsons are.
Maybe that's true. But I'm a soldier now.
There is a darkness over the Simpson household.
The father and the son have disappeared.
We pray for their safe return.
There is a darkness over the Simpson household.
The father and the son have disappeared.
We pray for their safe return.
The weed smoke dissipates to reveal a broken family.
The wife despairs.
The children smoke stale salvia.
Today my Social Security check arrived. Homer is always here for a handout.
Could have forgotten.
My son despises me.
Have a nice day
Hey man have you seen Homer? Springfield is dry as a bone
No. I am afraid
We can pray
Pray this roach will get us high [sparks up]
We can't do that here
[aside] My father pleads for my return. It hurts me to mistreat him, but I cannot bring my darkness back to that peaceful household.
I kill for my country. But why should I serve a country that asks me to kill? It doesn't matter. I cannot take back what I have done.
All I can do now is spare my family. If I return to Springfield a wave of misery will tear apart my family. This suffering is mine.
I am physically and mentally scarred. I seem tough, but inside I still long for a home I know I can never return to.
Perhaps in heaven, if such a thing exists, these memories and crimes would be washed away and I could rejoin my peaceful family.
Heaven... Heaven. I don't think I am bound for that place. For me it will be hell or darkness.
Hash? Got hash, oil, dabs,
My son is gone. He is dead. He is alive but he is dead.
I need to move these bricks of hash by Tuesday. Let's go
That's the last time I saw him.
Marge, Homer was seen with Bob... An international drug dealer with ties to Al Qaeda.
He's involved with Al Qaeda?
We have no reason to believe that
I moved your hash, now I want to go home.
We have a flight out of Baghdad tomorrow morning. But first I need to see a friend.
Can I say goodbye to my son?
There's no time.
[lifts shirt, revealing 9mm tucked into waistband]
This was a mistake.
It was your mistake. You have to deal with the consequences.
I should have never come to Iraq
My Homer wouldn't get involved with terrorism. He loves his country.
Ma'am, he loves getting high. There's a difference.
So this is all mine now?
Even the spliff?
the facility and all its contents are yours
I used to create problems with my friends
You upset them
Now I create jobs for America
Show them who's #1
Im tripping on this nutmeg
I can't keep tripping face on this sal. I need an ounce of schwag or something.
I got the shittiest brick in town
my dad gave me fluffy stuff
Your old man? Your old man is selling to the other side.
homer doesn't deal
What has my husband gotten involved in? The police say he may be in Iraq. To save our son from war? Or worse?
Do you remember the times we spent in this gazebo?
Our father built it.
We filled it with weed smoke daily.
He's gone now.
He will return.
You believe that?
We will hotbox this gazebo again.
You have faith in him.
He was faithful.
Through marijuana he found Christ.
And so did we.
And how does our brother fare?
I fear he may be lost
In the desert of Iraq?
The deserts of violence and alcohol
I was a good father. I shouldn't be in Iraq
A good father doesn't sell hash in Iraq
But... my son
You're a joke.
Maggie, Lisa, Ken. I have news about father.
He's in Iraq. He went after Bart. He's in big trouble.
He's with a drug dealer who may be involved with Al Qaeda.
Did he help Bart?
I don't think so.
Bart made a promise to his country.
Can it with the patriotic stuff, Mags.
I thought you were against the war.
Some wars are necessary.
Not this one.
It will never be enough.
Bart is brave.
He didn't want to fight. He just wanted to blaze and chill.
He's fighting for our right to blaze and chill.
And how's that working out for you? Since Bart and father left, we've been smoking resin.
The resin isn't even that bad.
Did we ever smoke resin when our father was here? We used to smoke an ounce a day.
My brother is a hero. Fuck your ounce.
Your heart is in the right place but I don't like the language
I want my family back
How free are you going to be when we have to bury Bart before his 20th birthday?
I'm out of here.
You sure you can move two pounds a week?
I have no choice.
You're a brave boy.
I must redeem my broken family.
The younger son takes action.
He wants to restore his family's glory.
His rise will change everything.
It's time for you to meet my friend.
I want to go home
[BOB smacks homer across the mouth]
Get out of the car.
Where are we?
My son's friend Milhouse?
What are you doing in Iraq?
I'm the main hash supplier for Al Qaeda
Is it so insane? Any more insane that you find your own self in this wild land?
I came here for my son.
We all came here for someting. I came here to do IT work for a military contractor. Now look at me. This place changes people.
I don't want to change. I like you am.
You'll change. I'll make you change.
What does that mean?
Enough questions, Simpson.
He's fine. Shut up, Bob.
Roll the grownups a hash blunt and go the hell away
[exhales huge hit]
How's the hash.
It's... it's really good.
[smiles] I know.
And you're telling me you don't want to be a part of this? HOMER: A part of what?
This place. Iraq. Paradise.
I have a family.
I have unlimited weed.
That sounds good.
It is good, Homer.
[aside] The promise of endless pleasure. But my family at home. What would they do without me? I can't do this. I must leave Iraq.
My husband mingles with mujahideen thousands of miles from home. How I hope that his intentions are noble. This family needs him.
My brother is a hero. My father is a coward. Both have left the family, but only one has intentions of restoring our family's honor
Mags... it's Ken
Ken? I don't recognize the number.
I'm in jail, sis. I'm facing 10 years.
My god... for what? What did you do?
I was trying to help.
Ken, what did you do?
I shot a guy.
Ken... Ken, why?
It's a long story. I was selling dank for Moe and it got complicated.
The guy is fine but I'm facing an assault charge. I didn't have any product on me but that's the least of my problems now.
I'm being remanded. I won't be able to see anybody until my trial. I'm sorry. I just wanted to help the family.
I have to go. [hangs up]
This family that was once united by dank buds has been torn apart by those same buds. God forgive us.
You call these nugs? Haha what have you been smoking?
where did you get these regs?
This is regular grade weed.
Bender deals brown bud
I thought Bob chased Bender away?
Bob is in Iraq with Homer
homer is brave.
Bender is pushing in my neighborhood
Are regulars a threat?
All potsmokers are threats to me and society
You smoke too
I want to fuck this town up
You're a kid
fuck this. I'm going to kick your entire ass
The Simpson boy... I had a feeling you'd end up here, someday. We all do. Whats up neighbor?
I don't want to talk about it.
Fuck pigs man.
I was tokin' in a bank. Wasn't the first time, sure as hell won't be the last.
I need to save my son. I need to go home. I need to end this war myself. But first I need to hit this brick
What if you could rule this desert
That's impossible. They don't even vote here
We can bring democracy to the Iraqi people [repacks bowl]
You have connections right?
Can you arrange a meeting with the man?
I think I can do that
Does he smoke?
President George Bush? He smokes weed all fucking day.
I knew I voted for the right guy.
I guess. Also, it's not a microphone
Bob can't know
Bob doesn't know his five chambers from his sixes
George Walker Bush will be in Iran tomorrow
We're in Iraq
Iran is similar
I'm going to smoke with Bush
I know this guy well
What if he knows I deal
Should I roll a blunt before we see him? Is it courteous?
Roll bush at least a courtesy J
J's are lightweight shit
George Bush is a heavyweight, expert smoker
I'm glad he's in our whitehouse
I have problems with him
He's chill and smokes, and he's fighting for us
I disagree with the war, and his tax cuts
You hate free enterprise?
Competition is fine when it's fair
It's fair to us all. The American dream is real
Bush smokes too much
Bush can receive us now
He better hit this shit hard
I'm going to light up right now
Wait till he's ready
I'll blow weed in Bush's face
Milhouse! It's been ages my dear boy!
I have two L's now
I roll two L's a day
That was nice
A fellow toker and a thinking man
I rolled a blunt
Hash or green?
Thank god. This desert dank is hurting my throat
It's the same for me
It's all yours
[HOMER, aside]: This is shady
Pass it to the left
Homer, your turn
This shit is fucking soaked
He got spit on it?
I fucked up
This was a bad idea. I'm leaving
I have cotton mouth
I thought you were chill
I'm chill. I'm sorry. I'll roll a new one. I'll smoke that one
Give me your best dro
I smoke only the best. You know Moe?
Moe ruined my life
Moe is a snake
Moe has never wronged me
Moe cut me off
I'm here for a reason
I want to end this war
I'm too high for this hahaha
I want to listen to Shuggie Otis
What the fuck?
Shut the fuck up and stay on topic
This guy sucks
He's normally better
Did we get him too high?
I warned you
Shoulda rolled a J
You're holding out. You know more than you're telling
You're dodging the issue
Where are they?
Where are what?
The WMDs. The cause of this war
Don't narc on me
Don't use the lingo with me, lightweight
There are no weapons. Just massive pools of hash oil
I knew it
We've extracted enough. But we can't end the war. It's too sensitive
He has prisoners
Casualties of war are inevitable. This is your doing, own up to it. You sent your pawns in to this mess to be torn apart
War is the only constant in history. In this modern era, the thirst of capital cannot be quenched with mere blood or oil
You didn't create this system. But you propagate it. I see now. Millhouse is right. You're a bad person. Imperialism is wrong
Imperialism is just a word. The desire to expand is part of the human nature
Human nature? Don't make me laugh.
Since the dawn of industrialization you people have treated your citizens as cogs in the machine of profit [Lights blunt]
[holding in smoke] The wealth gap is staggering. And all you care about is [exhales] money.
Why did I skip Marx studies?
Engels is over my head
I voted for this false-stoner.
But we can't end the war
He has your son
No. Not Bart
My intel man is calling. I'll put him on speaker.
Ken has been kidnapped by Al-Qaeda.
Is he safe?
The terrorists are waterboarding Ken
How'd they get their hands on him?
Our prison system is corrupt
Tell me about it
i will, later, let's chief
The blunt is still lit?
Let me get a hit
How the fuck can I save my son?
One of your sons is ablebodied
Bart isn't chill anymore
The kid stopped toking?
It's your own military practice that did this
I fucked up.
I made it this far. There's no going back. Here I come, Ken.
I'm too good at this. I'm scarring myself. I shoot people like it's nothing. Am I even doing this for Ken? Or my own sick pleasure?
No. Ken sucks. This is all for me. This blood wasn't spilled for my brother or my country. This is for me.
I've turned into a monster and I fucking love it. Love? That's a strong word. I only feel hatred. For everyone.
This place has a decent back yard. Saddam must be out there chilling. Here I come, motherfucking Hussein.
I'm shaking. I'm scared. Should I turn back? Is this a sign? He's toking in there. I know it.
[A shadow sits in the corner, hitting a bong]
You've made it
Saddam Hussein. World villain.
I've done nothing wrong. I did it for my people
You attacked mine.
I know you won't see it my way. I accept my death. I've been waiting for this.
I'll do it with pleasure, you sick fuck.
This Gazebo. It's one of the only two like it in the world. Built of the finest hemp
I don't know shit about construction
But you know about life, Bart
I know only about killing.
Death is part of life.
Shut the fuck up, I'll kill you
You will. I saw it
You're talking nonsense you crazy fucking stoner
Don't you recognize it, Bart?
You do. Admit it
It's from someone else's life. It's not mine.
You feel like a different person now?
I am not a person. I'm a machine of the state.
Machines have organs
You're the same being that you always were. With different perception.
This has gone on too fucking long. I'm going to end this.
Go ahead. But let me get one last toke.
Fine. I own't deny it.
Why don't you hit it?
[SADDAM reveals a crystal bong traced with golden elephants]
That bong is racist
I'll play your game. You think one hit will affect my aim? You think I won't put a bullet in your head?
I embrace death
And this is no game. I've longed to smoke weed with the man who will kill me, since I was a boy
Toke on it
I can't even see through the smoke hah
This changes nothing.
Sit down next to me. You can keep your gun out.
I need to sit
Tell me why
Why do you need to sit
I'm blazed out of my fucking mind
[SADDAM, laughing]: Cool
I have a Gazebo just like this at home
I used to build them
I built yours too
Why the fuck?
I really appreciate hemp as an alternative building material. I can send you articles
But why ours?
The perfect smoking hangout. A palace fit for only the most hardcore pothead
We're nothing special
Never has herb brought a family as close together as it does yours.
We have issues
We all do.
It ruined us
Self-criticism ruined you. If you smoke freely and without care, love will grow
How did you know us
I'm a moderator on the Grasscity forums
I've talked to your dad on IRC for years. We post together
You're a terrorist
I'm just a lonely stoner
All these years I've had this gazebo, and you're the first to ever smoke with me in it
I'm getting too lifted
I want you to take another hit. I want you to exhale through your ironsights as you fire the bullet
I shouldn't do it
I am a bad man. Don't let yourself waver. I had to do one good thing before I left.
You knocked the towers down...
Goodbye you beautiful bastard.... I guess I should find my worthless brother Ken now. Hope he's not fucking dead.
Turn on the news. Bart has done something wonderful.
Do you see, Lisa? He was a hero all along.
He took a man's life.
He attacked our country.
His connection to Al Qaeda was never proven.
Unlike our father.
We don't know all the facts
You're blinded by hate.
[aside] I need to get high so bad
Moe, please, I'm begging you. Front me an eighth until next week.
And what happens next week? You're fucking unemployed.
Bart killed Saddam. He's going to get a big bonus from the Army.
You're not going to see a dime of that money. He owes me.
Moe, please. We're desperate. My family is falling apart.
I don't front perfectly good purp to degenerate drug addicts.
Just let me have a ball of resin. Please. For old times' sake.
Get the fuck out of my bar before I call the cops.
Miss... Misses Simpson?
Young Wiggum... Please... You know my son. I just need a gram to get me through the week.
Dad! Come here!
Marge? What the hell are you doing here?
I need to blaze. My family needs to blaze.
I'm a fucking police officer, Marge. You can't come to my house with this crap.
Go home to your kids.
The family torn apart by drugs and war.
The wife and daughters struggle.
When will the father return?
When will you see that war has destroyed this family?
Drugs have destroyed this family. Bart is our only hope.
The best hope for a peaceful family is a ruthless killer?
Shame on you for speaking of your brother like that.
Sir, please... you knew my husband.
Lady I couldn't fuckin' stand your husband. But have a dub sack on me. Now be gone.
Oh thank you... thank you. You've saved my family, sir. Thank you.
Christ, lady it's just mids. Calm down
Maggie! Lisa! Look! I got a dub sack! After we smoke it we can scrape the resin.
Don't you see? It's not about the weed anymore
We called the embassy in Iraq. They're bringing father home
What about Bart?
He signed a 10 year contract with the army
They need him over there. Saddam wasn't the only evil man in that tumultuous region.
Maggie is right.
Bart can do more in the Middle East than he could ever do back home with us.
He's never going to be the same.
He's a man now. You need to understand that.
He's a killer... but I've come to accept it
Sorry but who has the grinder?
I can just crumble it. I don't know where the--
Oh yeah, Apu had it.
Just crumble it by hand, that's fine.
Where did you get this autumn leaf looking nasty ass weed?
From Mr. Sonic.
[MAGGIE drops the blunt]
Mr. Sonic is a cold and unscrupulous business magnate. He has an ulterior motive for giving you this free weed.
There's no such thing as free weed.
You should know this.
I didn't start smoking until I was like 35.
This town's been fucking dead for 2 months
It's shit here anymore
I fucking hate this weedless town
I used to smoke every day with these brats, now I have to beg them for a hit of res
Kids are different now.
Here I am, I'm smoking leftover shit from a nine year old, and I'm loving it
Bart left us in hell
[exhales] I'm actually pretty high off this schwag
It's a body high
My legs are spasming. I think I hear gunshots.
She's freaking out
Her guilt is getting to her
I celebrated a killer.
He's still our brother. He was forced into that deadly profession.
[exhales huge blunt hit] What the hell are you talking about
The young women have found temporary relief.
A couple of grams won't be enough.
The familial serenity will not last.
We need bart
He was a ruckus. And a stoner
He didn't finish his GED
Will he be trapped here?
Bart will restore this school's honor
The super attendant is on your case
I can't smoke spice anymore
Bart signed up for ten years
There's no way we can make him come home?
That's against the law.
The law means nothing in this hellhole
Good riddance to Springfield
I'll bring it back
Itch and Scratch don't make me laugh anymore
You're lame now. Pass it.
Without Simpson clan, Springfield falls
The plane has arrived.
I hope we can get the taxi soon.
Will he have bud?
Is Ken with father?
Ken doesn't get mentioned in this fucking house
Mom, you're serious
I'm dry as a bone
You forgot to pack the herb?
No. I have three pounds
Where's my son?
Ken got held up
I'll wait for him
Ken won't make it back alive
After son Bart found him, they fought. Ken ran into the desert
I don't want to discuss this
Tell me more
I listen only to my wonderful wife
Dad's lust for mom is increased by hash usage
Hash saved their marriage
Tell us about the Ken's fight
I can't discuss it, but I'll illustrate it. http://t.co/RMySzvV7mc
Ah. A counter-clockwise passer
He wouldn't pass to the left
Where did we go wrong with him?
In an airport?
It's good now. I fixed it.
I met Bush
Bush didn't do shit. My son saved this globe.
Bush hid the facts
Bush is a paper tiger
Bush is chill
What happened to Bush?
Bush got too fucking high for his own good
Our own president?
Bush is a lightweight.
He coughed directly into the bong
He blew the weed out of the Slider Piece
I voted for this pig.
I convinced Bush to end the war.
We don't need the oil.
Why is Bart still there?
How high did our president get on weed?
He was blazed so hard that he...
He forgot Poland?
Can we go the fuck home and smoke pot?
I want the dro first
I want to try the hashish brick
I'll roll two.
are we going to talk about Bart?
I just invited Apu
Apu can't party
Apu goes hard
I'm serious Homer
I missed this fucking place
We've been in hell dad
We smoked Salvia
I'm serious Homer
I missed this fucking place
We've been in hell dad
We smoked Salvia
You let our kids trip on Sal?
We were desperate.
Salvia? Marge, are you fucking kidding me?
[MARGE begins sobbing]
It's legal shit, father.
You got the shit part right.
You left us
Our son. Our beautiful fucking son.
You didn't bring him back. You gave the president first hit and you forgot our son.
Our president slobbers on the blunt
What the fuck did you even DO over there?
I pushed Bob's brick.
I'm here to blaze
We have three pieces packed
Hash for me
Keep it. I'm sick of brick.
I'm already uncomfortable.
Why did you invite me...you just got home
I want to get twisted
I carry Four Lokos in my shop.
Did you bring any?
Only the watermelon flavor.
Toss me one
Sometimes a father needs to drink a Four Loko to deal with his weed-bumming kids
You just got home.
That place is off limits
But hot boxing the Gazebo is efficient
Not without Bart.
I really don't want to be here for this. I have shit to do
You'll stay in my house and smoke my fucking weed for free.
Hard to turn down purps and brick
Lay off my brick. You're killing it.
Your son is a killer, too.
Apu. I don't need your shit. You're acting like Sonic.
I'm a grown man
You're acting just like him
Can we talk? In private?
What? Why. That's weird.
I was talking to Homer.
I don't want Apu to witness this.
Anything you can say to me, you can say to Apu.
Please don't do this.
Apu, please go talk to my wife in private.
Homer. Why are you doing this?
Apu can relay your bullshit message to me
I'm having a panic attack.
Take another hit. Go and whisper with my wife.
Homer. I'm freaking the fuck out.
My wife has a soothing voice
It's cramped in here.
We have a finished basement.
I'm not going there
Marge. Lead him there.
What the fuck?
Apu. I need to know what happened in Iraq.
I need to leave
Ask my husband where our son is. And why he's doing this
I'm not doing that
We smoke you out and you do this?
I haven't had kush in months. I can't handle this right now
I have regs to calm you down.
He has shit now.
Moe went to the gutter.
Sonic took the good stuff
Sonic doesn't sell.
He's a fiend
He misses his father.
I miss the father of my children.
The bud will help.
Bud doesn't answer questions.
I might die tonight.
Have some water.
This is dirty bong water
We made a grav bong in our bath tub.
All of our water goes to this bong.
I need professional help
You'll talk to my husband.
I never asked for this.
I never asked for this war. But your people...
My people? Are you insane?
if the shoe fits..
What are you saying?
convenient how you moved here 25 years before 9/11?
I'm indian you fucking bigot.
I'm on edge.
I barely know you guys. I just smoke your weed.
You used to deal.
My kids are in college.
My kid sold his soul for this disgrace of a nation.
Blame those fuckers on wall street.
I blame you.
I told you, I'm Indian.
You're a pussy.
What the fuck?
Talk to Homer.
Homer isn't armed.
Bob had guns.
Bob? I forgot about Bob...
Isn't he the cause of all your pain?
Bob trashed our gazebo and left us in ruin.
You need to do it.
Email Bob, now.
Why can't I fucking go home? Why can't you do it.
I'm too high to deal with this shit.
The resin lowered your tolerance.
I'll kill you.
I want my family back.
I'm leaving. Bye.
You son of a bitch.
Did you fuck my wife?
No. I'm leaving.
I'll find you
Let me go
My son can turn you into ground beef chops.
You're stoned, Homer.
Wiggum will take my side.
Your breath smells like old hash, your teeth are brown. You're a mess.
I have my eye on you
You wanted this.
Fuck that shit
¿Tiene alguna marihuana?
What the fucking hell is going on
The merchant feels the oppressive weight of destiny on his shoulders.
Could Apu turn to the cops?
He smoked their hash.
Thank you for coming. I don't have anyone else to turn to
You thought that you, a peasant, could turn to me?
I have attitude problems. And all the kush in Springfield
Then why did you come here?
Curiosity. Boredom. I feel like as I blaze, an emptiness inside me is growing
I get to be high all the time though
Some serious shit has happened.
I don't give a fuck. I want middle-eastern weed.
You'll get it.
You need to message Bob.
True. But you're the only one he's afraid of
What do I even say to him. What is it that we're even doing
Find out what he knows about Bart. What went down in Iraq. I want my husband and son back.
But why? Talk to Homer about it
Homer's lips are sealed to the grav bong.
we made a bong out of it.
Genius. But I get your concern.
Thing is, babe, I have no concern for your family.
You have all the weed you can smoke.
You don't have Iraqi connections.
Why would I want them.
Ever smoke hashish?
You bought that shit outside a Subway restaurant.
It's the same brick.
This brick is insane.
I'll supply you with a lifetime of hash weed for your work.
Do I have to sell?
It's all yours to toke on
Homer is hiding the facts.
More than Bush?
He smoked with Bush.
What the fuck?
I know, right?
This is deep shit.
There's a mystery surrounding Bart, my youngest son.
Shut your mouth.
You don't tell me what to fucking do.
I'll tell you not to mention that name near me again
Musta passed to the right...
Apu knows too much.
You're asking a lot to me.
Skype Bob first. Then we deal with Apu.
Apu's blood will spill.
Will you email him?
Skype will suffice.
Cam on or off?
I'm going to show him my face
I'm not too thrilled with Bart's return.
This town is dead, period.
Springfield...deserves a second chance.
Well, here goes nothing.
[SONIC clicks the SKYPE CONTACT]
Get on cam
You're breaking up.
My data plan...
T-Mobile is shit in this area.
Why are you fucking calling me? It's 1:20 AM?
What the fuck is happening over there?
It's a god forsaken mess.
Get the fuck on cam.
Show me your bastard face.
Hold on a second.
I'm going to take a hit now.
Can you see my feed?
All I see is your fucking lap. Move the camera up.
Load up a fucking fat bong of hashish
My brick is almost gone
You have Milhouse.
Milhouse is a double-traitor.
Milhouse has good shit.
He's the president of the United States of Iraq.
Democracy has landed in this wasteland.
That's a good thing.
He's bogarting the hashish.
Milhouse smokes his own way
Can you see me?
I can't see you
[SONIC ends the call]
Can you see me now?
I see you alright.
Damn. I can't see you.
Do you have Google+?
Are you kidding me? You imbecile.
I see you now. You have a lot of bud.
Jars for days of chronic shit.
I need to know what happened to Bush, Bart and the rest.
Well, machines have organs.
Shut your stoner mouth.
Bart smoked. I know it. We all know it...Bill Maher has clips.
Bill? He's desperate
Bill Mahaer is a ratchet fucker.
The RATCHET phrase has not reached Iraqi soil.
Where the fuck is bart.
You talking about bongs?
Bart is undergoing severe weed training. He's being force-fed bong smoke until he doesn't feel it anymore
What do you want me to do? I just push.
What's Millhouse's skype?
I don't know it.
I only know his no. 1
Teague. This is Sonic.
I know him.
Holy mother of god.
This guy grew up with me. We watched Digimon together.
I'll leave now.
What do you want, scum?
Tai hasn't found me yet.
Where the fuck is Bart?
He only responds on Yahoo now.
Forget it. Thanks. This is a bunch of bullshit. I'm going to sleep. I'm blocking Marge's number.
Days have passed. I'm alone. My husband hasn't left the closet. He's blowing tokes non-stop.
Marge. Get me some grapes.
Homer. I won't take your shit. Until Bart is back, I'm done. I'm leaving this house. I'll stay with TWIN SISTERS.
Say goodbye to your pot smoking teens, fucker.
I've lost them all. Where's Apu?
I can't handle this smoke
You will keep smoking.
I don't want to lose the body high
Why are you doing this to me?
It's for your own good.
I killed Saddam. Isn't that enough?
It's never enough. You should just give up. Go home to your father.
My father is a cowardly dog.
You don't even know him. You only know that he shares his bud for no reason.
That's all I need to know.
Your bloodlust will never be satisfied. You must pacify it with huge bong hits.
I'm not done yet.
What are you trying to prove?
That I'm the American Soldier Supreme.
God is dead.
You're not even a person.
All I wanted to do was make my father proud. He thought I was a worthless stoner. I can be more. I can change the world.
Homer passed me his fattest L when I was only eight years old. I hit that shit so hard that it saved my life. I was suicidal.
My old man, he made me who I am today. I wanted to pay him back. He already knows I'm a fiend. I wanted to show him I'm a hero, too.
You were suicidal at eight years old?
I was sober as fuck.
No contact highs?
Your family is suffering without you.
I'm too high for that pressure
Your tolerance will never increase.
Bart. You've smoked as much as you can. You can't pass this wall. This is it. You're as high as you can be.
You're drooling on yourself.
I miss Doritos
There's some at home.
Why do you want me to go back?
I owe your father a favor.
Father fucked me over, hardcore.
I can't go back. I'm too far gone.
They want you to be gone. Faded as fuck on NYC Sour Diesel.
That's 2006 shit.
You think Afghan shit is real?
I've smoked it
It's all spice.
I know spice
How much fucking spice have you smoked?
Your dad gave you the real bud.
I smoked it twice.
You took three hits and fell asleep.
Spice is just as good
You're delusional. This war has ruined you.
I miss father. I miss mother's stacked hair.
Your mom's style is ahead of the game.
I love my own mother.
Send me back.
I can do it.
He saved you
My chill-ass dad.
MY SON IS FUCKING RUINING MY LIFE
What the fuck? The town is full of kush. Smoke more. Relax
I got an email from Homer.
I don't want his bullshit.
It's an e-card.
It's from http://t.co/XZV4B4akVX
... He saves those only for special occasions.
Your husband is blazed.
This George Costanza card....
Bart is coming home.
Sweet mother of all hell. Sonic did it.
No. Not Sonic. Sonic's malice knows no bounds.
Homer still has connections. I'm worried.
Your husband might be pushing hash.
It's good hash.
Bender's quality has increased.
Is Homer supplying local thugs?
But Bart is safe.
Bart's on his way.
God damn do I love Israel... Unlimited weed and crazy beaches.
Excuse me, Mr. Simpson? I need you to come with me.
What the hell? I'm a US soldier. Our countries are friends.
[places hand on sidearm] Don't make this difficult, Bart.
Alright you fucking pig, let's go. What do you want.
My boss wants to see you.
Let's fuckin' go then!
Who lives here...?
I was impressed by your work in Iraq. Very impressed.
Thanks... do you want to smoke?
[grinning] I thought you'd never ask.
Well I just fucking did. Now light that blunt and tell me why you brought me here.
Like I said... You dispatching of Saddam was quite the show.
It's more complex than that.
Ah, but is it really?
Yes... I just said it was.
Sometimes things are simpler than they appear.
You weren't there.
Maybe this top tier Israeli bubble hash will help you see things my way.
You know I can't refuse a hit of that.
[Bart exhales a huge hit. He pretends to be high, not letting on that he is immune to weed] Fuck... I'm blazed, Bibi
I want to talk to you about Yasser Arafat. Perhaps you've heard of him.
[holding in a hit] Yeah I know him
Well, Bart, he's a thorn in my side. I was wondering if you might have a chat with him on my behalf.
Shall I roll another?
Yes, Bibi. I want to get so faded. I love Israel more than anything.
I'm glad to hear it.
I'll "talk" to him, sure. But what do I get?
You'd be doing your patriotic duty, Mr. Simpson.
I work for the Army
[sighs and rubs temples] What did you have in mind?
I want to talk about settlements.
You heard me.
These issues do not concern you.
It concerns everybody, Bibi. It must stop.
I thought you were a patriot.
I'm a human being.
It's not that simple.
That's not what you said before
Suddenly you seem quite sober, Mr. Simpson
I'm blazed with the desire to help my fellow man.
I don't understand
You never have, Bibi.
How could you be sober after all that bubble hash? You should be faded like my Wranglers right now
[smirking] That doesn't concern you, Bibi...
Gah! Bad boy!
You know it.
So here's the deal, Bibi. I'm going to Ramallah in an hour to chat with Arafat. Then we're both going to the Hague.
You might want to get a head start on suspending those settlements. This is going to look really bad for you.
You're making a huge mistake.
I'm doing what I believe.
What you believe is shit.
I believe in justice.
I can say the F word to my mom now.
I hear your mom begs for shake on the streets
Young Wiggum. That's really a low blow.
I heard it from you
You read my Xanga?
All the kids are talking about the Fallen Simpsons. How bud ruined their lives. Their house is going to be repossessed.
Justice is a lie for naive schoolboys.
I'm a man. I'm a soldier. And now I'm leaving. Mind if I take a brick for the road?
You should really have a toke, Bibi. You look nervous. Goodbye.
You're making a mistake.
I have to choose which house I go to after school.
The father's place
Or the TWIN AUNTS
This J is poorly rolled
Homer. Open the door.
I missed you, my wife.
You said Bart was leaving Iraq.
He did leave.
Tropical Man told me he's in Israel
Israel? That shithole?
Those people are suffering!
Bart might make this world a better place
Make the grass greener on all sides
You're toked out
Take a hit.
Don't mind if I do.
I get greens, ma'am.
I got a new kid.
That's just that dirty kid Nelson?
His parents owed me money
You're not still...
I stopped. But my last ounce of brick went to the Nelson Trailer.
They should have never had him, he's a disgrace to our town.
He can clean himself at least
Sir. Ma'am. I'd love to have a hit of marijuana.
Go ahead, boy. And call me "father".
That's really weird.
I've accepted that Bart is gone forever. I just want a new chill teen to smoke pot with.
Sonic abandoned me.
I smell pot
I didn't invite you to my house
I'm taking just one hit, then I'll leave.
You lame fuck. Iraq changed you. You used to share all your weed. No matter what. Now you're hoarding it.
You deserve none
And this ugly little Nelson kid does? Look at him. He's crying. He's a selfish brat who drove his family into debt
Nelson is my boy now.
You sure know how to pick them, Homer.
Here's a couple of stems. Now get the fuck out.
I'll chew on these weed stems to stay alive through the night.
What's under that tarp in the back yard?
You're out of a home, you're out of a family and now you're out of my fucking herb. Get out of this place
I didn't know-
You didn't know about the legendary Springfield Smokeshack? You're a liar. The greats have toked here
No, not Marley. You're right. But you're still going to live in the gutter.
You're a fucking animal now, Homer.
I think this shit was laced. I feel sick.
It's your imagination. This weed is good.
I'm sick. Call Apu.
We're not calling that guy again, he's afraid of us.
Please call Apu. I'm seeing shit.
You're tripping? On pot?
Someone laced this shit with angel dust and ketamine.
That doesn't happen in real life.
HOMER I'm in the depths of a K-Hole
Where's my Amethyst
It's in the Gazebo, dad.
It's my birthstone
It's a rock you tripped out psycho.
Bring my my amethyst pendant.
I'll go get it. Lie down.
Let me touch it
Your fingers are twitching
Put it on my face.
This Amethyst is clearing toxins out from my body.
That's not scientific
Science is just another religion, Maggie. Stop being such a piece brat. I miss my sons
Nelson is in the yard crying
Nelson is going to steal my rare stone.
We got it in Ocean City for ten dollars
Can we make a promise, as a family?
I'll do anything to save my family. The Twin Sisters are oppressive.
Let's forget about this. Bart is taking care of himself. He's making his own choices. Let's just continue being chill and smoking.
We'll have family dinners, sit on the couch, and pass the shit around. It will feel good.
I'll smoke to stay focused
I'll smoke to dampen the flames of hatred which engulf my heart.
I'll smoke. right now. to get lifted.
I can't stop moving my shoulders up and down.
It feels good...I'm blazed
This purp gets stronger with age.
This dry shit is getting me higher than Moe's sticky.
Bus Rocker deals now.
You bought this from him?
He rocks on the way to school and deals on the way home.
How much for an 8th?
That's VIP Price.
I've known him for years. He just bought a grow lamp.
This pot is incredible. Kudos to him.
Where is Lisa?
Lisa has been cowering for days at my sisters' home.
They look alike.
I'm not going home. I'll get too high and emotional.
THELMA & SELMA: Their shit is too hairy. Too many crystals.
Last I heard, my dad was in the K-Hole.
THELMA & SELMA: That's not good. Keep hitting this brown and dry.
I'm addicted to mids
Slight headache, body high, little bit of hunger. I giggle now and then. Mids is controllable, convenient and cheap.
Kush should be saved for special occasions. You can't toke only the best shit. You'll lose yourself in fields of green. Mids , though.
No bongs, either.
I can barely hit this J
I feel the nicotine, as a stimulant, flowing through me.
The nicotine helps me stay awake while this dry eights of hairless weed keeps me grounded. I'm at home here. I'm not going back.
We can smoke kush twice a year.
THELMA & SELMA: It's better that way.
My sister smokes schwag with the twin hags. Her soul is corrupted by the unholy poison of nicotine. Our family's decline continues.
You lack something.
You're not my son.
But even my son is not my son.
He is a warrior. I have come to terms with it. But I still need fluffy kush to help me forget it sometimes.
I need to smoke
It's not your fault you don't live up to Bart's legacy.
I want to blaze please
He was a special boy.
Please roll one
He had such passion. He loved the world
I'm not high but I want to be
I still love him.
But things are different. But then, all parents must watch their children outgrow them.
Homer, you neglect this boy
It's not your business. I'm reflecting on my son's absence.
Do you have bud, mister?
Nelson needs love and attention just like Bart did
He's just a weed rat
He doesn't need love.
He feels loved when he smokes with his surrogate father
No. He feels high when he smokes my weed for free.
You're wrong. This boy is pathetic. He is enslaved by his own desires.
As if you were any different at your age?
Quiet, boy! Flanders, it is the duty of the father to prevent his children from making the same mistakes he did.
We learn from our mistakes
Roll that shit
You're telling me this boy is learning from this behavior?
He's learning how to get what he wants
Spoken like a true capitalist
I'm a realist
And I'm too high for this shit
Come on, boy, let's toke
I thought you were trying to teach him moderation?
Now I'm just trying to get my smoke on.
Come on, Nelson [hands him a massive bong] Enter the 36 chambers with me
[takes a huge hit] It tastes like blueberries
It's blueberry kush from East Texas
How do they make it taste like that?
I smoke it, I don't study it. Pass that shit.
Now that we're sufficiently stoned I need to talk to you about something serious
Let's keep smoking.
You're neglecting your studies
I love smoking weed with my new son but you have responsibilities.
[holding bong out of Nelson's reach] Stop. Stop trying to grab the bong. I'm trying to teach you how to live a good life.
You're pathetic. A pathetic boy. Leave the house now. I owe nothing to you.
Please. Please. My family can't afford berry kush
You're pathetic. A pathetic boy. Leave the house now. I owe nothing to you.
Please. Please. My family can't afford berry kush
They can afford it. They just choose not to.
It's not that simple.
I want you out of here. Is that simple enough?
You're a parasite
I'm your son
I have two sons and you're not one of them
I want to smoke here forever
I don't care. This isn't a weed charity
I can't go back
I don't care where you go but you're done here. You're out.
You make me sick
Homer that's enough
Please Mr. Homer
Come on, Nelson. I have a canister of K2 at home
You two enjoy that. Remember what you could have had, Nelson. [holds up hairy nug of blueberry kush] This could have been your life
You're not a good man, Homer
I've been through a lot. Fuck you.
[exhales massive bong hit] Why does everything around me turn to shit?
[looks at bong thoughtfully] Is it you, my old friend? Are you the one causing this suffering? I cannot believe it. I refuse.
I cannot blame you. I am the cause of my own suffering. Bart was right. I use weed to make others love me.
Can I really blame them when I inevitably realize that they only loved my weed? I cultivated these empty and poisonous relationships
Weed isn't the problem. It's what I use it for. It's not a good foundation for relationships. I'm realizing this now.
High quality bud can make an already strong relationship grow, but it cannot build it from scratch. It is a fertilizer, not a seed.
[answers phone] Hello?
Let me talk to Nelson
Don't call this number anymore, Homer
Fuck off [hangs up]
It appears I have come to understand my greatest flaw long after there was any hope left of fixing it
The father is broken, defeated.
His family lies in shambles around him
Does he shoulder all of the blame?
I couldn't have my own children. I can't pay for my own weed. But I can do what I do best: taking from others
I'm going to raise you right, kid. Here. Borrow my xbox, I'll be right back.
Unless this Xbox can blaze I don't care.
Lisa. You can't stay here. They're using you for your rolling skills
I roll perfect blunts
I'm your family now.
You don't even have your own weed
I have grinders though
I'll care for you more than your deadbeat dad
Do you have a bath tub and a three litre bottle?
You would be a bad father
I have a bong from the gas station. It hits hard
You disgust me
What if I told you I knew where Ken is?
What if I told you to buzz off and let me smoke this shake?
My family anguishes while I perform my patriotic duty in the Middle East. Are they my greatest responsibility? Or my country?
My tolerance is starting to drop again. I'm not sure if I can resist the sinister strains of the Near East.
I may lapse again into a haze of marijuana-induced malaise. I fear that I may not be able to perform my duties. I must be disciplined
I'm a good man.
My worth is not tied to how much weed I have
That's where you're wrong
It is. And you have no weed. And you have no value as a human being.
Terrible girl! Where did you learn your horrible ways!
I learned by example. My family used to smoke an ounce a day.
All I can provide is love and an inexpensive bong
Leave my family's 3 foot tempered glass piece for your plastic toy? I laugh!
You family is ruined.
You have faith in that in that foolish father of yours?
Get out of my face you depressing fuck.
The Simpson family will be proud once again.
You're blind to your inevitable doom
[spits at his feet] Fuck off!
Why are you in the tub?
this entire tub is actually a gravity bong
Its three AM...
I am stoned.
I fashioned a bowl to this soda bottle.
I light bud and lift it out of the water.
A vacuum effect.
Correct. This bottle fills with jaundiced smoke and I inhale it from our dirty bathwater
That smoke is too yellow.
Apu took a bath in here today
Apu's filth carries weed to my lungs
I thought that my good character could bring me happiness and love, but the world is unforgiving.
Unconditional love does not exist. Love is only allowed once brutal greet has been sated. My lack of kind buds condemns me forever
I understand that the world is like this... but why did everyone always tell me it wasn't? I wasn't prepared for this loneliness
I resent homer and I try to foil his attempt to adopt a new boy... but why? Is it just sour grapes?
At least Nelson wanted to be around him. I can't say the same for myself. Homer just learned the rules before me. That's all.
I can't blame him. He's simply surviving, just like everyone else. His family may be in ruins, but at least he has a family.
Meanwhile I sit alone on my shitty porch, smoking my shitty legal synthetic weed out of a shitty plastic gas station bong.
[picks up phone] Hello?
It's Flanders. I want to apologize.
Please hear me out.
What the hell do you want?
I understand the way of the world now. I want to learn to be like you.
What the fuck?
Have you been smoking that gas station spice again?
Yes but that's not relevant.
I think it is.
Maybe a bit
You buy affection with weed. I want to learn how to do that.
It's not a good thing. You don't want this.
You're a good man, Flanders. Don't do this.
I'm a piece of shit. I'm so lonely. I'm so god damn lonely, homer.
Calm down. Come over. I'll smoke you out. We'll fix this.
Thank you, Homer. Thank you so much. You're such a good friend.
Thanks for letting me come over.
Sure thing. Have a seat. You ever smoked blueberry kush?
No. I smelled it before
Know what your problem is? [takes huge hit]
[holding in hit] You're too cynical
What do you mean?
[exhales in his face]
How do you have so much weed?
I just buy it with the money I make at my job from a weed dealer.
It's that simple?
What did you think was happening?
I don't know
OK. Hit this.
And I didn't start buying weed to bribe my family into loving me. It turned into that, but at first, I just wanted to share with them
How did it start?
I guess I just realized it was easier for me to bring home a fat sack than to go to Bart's soccer games
And they both got the same response. That's how it was for years in this family. Only now am I realizing what's wrong with that.
Don't get me wrong, I'll blaze until the day I die.
[exhaling blunt hit] Of course.
But I feel like the foundation of love and support in this family was eroded by time, and replaced by weed.
That foundation wasn't able to support Bart's deployment, Ken's incarceration, all the shit that's happened. So it crumbled.
What I'm saying is, you can't build a strong family with marijuana alone.
[holding in blunt hit] I think I understand.
Where's your bathroom?
[exhaling blunt hit] You've never pissed in my house?
I guess not.
Back of the hall on the left.
OK I'll be right back.
Hit this shit first.
OK [takes huge hit]
Flanders isn't so bad after all. He's very confused. Not that I have everything figured out. I'm glad I could help him.
There was a bunch of dirty water and half a 2 liter bottle in your bathtub so I cleaned it up
Are you kidding me
What... What's wrong? Did I overstep a boundary?
You fucked up my family's gravity bong you shmuck
Homer? Do you know what happened to the gravity bong?
Flanders drained it.
What the fuck?
Please get out of my house, Ned.
But what about our conversation?
I meant it, but I can't look at you right now.
I'm so glad he's gone
He's such a fuck-up. But I feel bad for him.
I hate when he's around
He has problems too.
Sir we found this man breaking into one of our grow houses. BENDER: Get your goddamn hands off me.
Shall I call the authorities?
Perhaps that isn't necessary. Let me have a word with him
Why did you come to this place boy? To get a free buzz off my glowing green bud?
I am out of options. Sonic took everything.
I just wanted to sell my brick
Sonic works for me
I want to sell my brick and leave
You sell for me now
If you cherish your freedom you will comply.
My clients can't afford kush
Clients? Don't make me laugh.
You are really not chill, do you even burn?
I'm sober as shit
Homer just left me fifteen voice mails asking me to roll around outside and then come take a bath at his house
[visibly high] Why do I wander this savage desert? To whom do I owe these violent acts? I used to be a peaceful American boy.
I thought I was resigned to my role as an enforcer for our corrupt American oligarchy. As my weed tolerance shrinks, my doubts grow.
The only thing keeping me here is the inertia of my crimes. The weight of the blood on my hands anchors me in this sea of sand.
Perhaps I belong at home with my family. At least I would be among people who love me. But I have denied so many others that right.
After taking the lives of so many fathers and brothers, do I deserve to return to my own?
How can I face my mother when I have deprived so many mothers of their sons throughout this land? Do I still deserve that love?
The marijuana helps me feel my guilt more intensely, but also causes me to doubt and process the guilt.
I have found that Hindu Kush provides the most introspective and meditative high. It both activates and soothes the mind.
This is a global operation. You chumps will make it big here
I'm in too deep. I gotta buy a nickel
A fucking nickelbag?
What is that like a sixth of a gram?
It's two hits max. And I'm talking schwag.
I didn't come here to be judged.
I only smoke fivebags
This is shady.
let's go over the plan
We have word that the Lebanese have engineered a strain that is white as paper
These nuggets are composed entirely of crystals
If you smoke this pot, you will become emblazoned
She doesn't appreciate the comfortable, simple high of a dry brown nug
Does the boy drift homeward?
Or deeper into violence, his own mind?
The broken family begins to stir.
I'm going home.
You're doing nothing of the sort.
Mr. Cheney, please, I--
You're not leaving the Middle East.
You signed a contract with the army. Ten years. Remember?
Can't I just be dishonorably discharged?
Blood in, blood out
What does that mean...?
It's simple. You kill for us, or you die.
That wasn't in the contract.
It was implied.
You're too valuable here in Iraq and too risky to have back in the states
I'm done killing. I want to go home to my family.
Unless your family lives at the bottom of a ditch in the Arabian Desert I suggest we end this conversation immediately.
I want to talk to Bush. He's more chill.
Bush is in America
I need to see that relaxed toker.
Don't you remember how you felt when the towers fell?
It was terrible.
Yes... yes. Remember that feeling. Embrace it
But you have me killing activists...poets...Why? What do they have to do with it?
[enraged] THEY HAVE EVERYTHING TO DO WITH IT
You're a monster. A demented old monster.
I run this country. I run this fucking planet.
You're fucking delusional
You're just a murderer and a bully. You can't keep me here.
I can do whatever the fuck I want.
Fool...what are you doing? Do you know what will happen if---
[points pistol at his foot, pulls trigger]
Gah! I accidentally discharged my sidearm. Help... call a medic.
You fucking slime. You dog.
The surgery went well, Bart. But I have bad news.
Shit... What is it, doc?
You won't be able to serve anymore.
Christ... I have to go home?
I'm afraid so.
I'm going to miss being on the battlefield.
I know, soldier.
I guess this is "blood out"
You think this will work?
It already did work you impotent old fuck. Your shitty heart won't last until Thanksgiving.
Get out of here
I'm going home to my loving family. I'm going to smoke Bubba Kush every morning. Enjoy the prison you've built for yourself.
I love my life you miserable twerp
You love nothing. Your soul is dead just like your worthless heart.
The boy is truly bound for home
The wayward daughter also returns
The broken family, nearly reunited
I've been listening to some stuff
[picking out stems] Listening?
Honey your eyes are so red
My breathing is laboured
Have a green hit.
[exhales] I miss being a whole family
Bush will get us all killed.
I can't breathe
Why is CLOWN outside sobbing?
getting into the game is rough in a guy
He turned down stems
Hes going to lebanon
are we still talking about hash? I'm going back to my twin aunts.
We lay off the brown brick
Making hash is elaborate
It's a long process
It hits like cinderblock
Kush goes down like water
These Pringles are fucking stale
should we ask father to reopen the gazebo?
He is my father. You're the wife.
Whoa. This must be pre-98 bubba kush
I haven't fed the dog since 9/11
Our innocence as a nation was lost that day
I've been feeding the dog those chip crumbs you guys keep in the pantry
what chip crumbs?
You brat...that was kief
You fed thirty years of kief to a filthy unloved animal
I only have one daughter now
I fucked up.
The federal government is on my case now. Burns is doing something shady. I might have to crack down on this city's weed use.
You smoke more than Homer.
I can't touch Homer's skill. And it doesn't matter. We're cleaning this town up
We could just arrest Bus Rocker, call it a day.
and let Bender and Sonic rip our kids off with mids?
This town is going dry. That's all there is to it. We've been playing around for too long.
Our library hasn't been used in three years. We lead lives of hedonism that would make the Greeks blush. Endless tokes....
Do you know what my kid said to me yesterday?
"I live to fill my bubbler with Baja Blast"
Our chillness brought us together, but this town will end up dying. We are being strangled by orange hairs. It chokes life from us.
Rainbows crossing through billows of haze. Dreams displayed and fulfilled for all to enjoy. But at the cost of our future.
We are complacent in our rapid succession bong hits. The cooled smoke turns us into relaxed creatures of sinful habit.
Tomorrow we are raiding Moe's bed and breakfast store.
[on military transport plane] My shattered foot leads me homeward like a hobbled steed. What awaits me in that familiar place?
I head towards a familiar place, but an unfamiliar situation. My shattered family slowly gravitates back towards that hazy gazebo.
The gazebo of my father, who is the greatest weed smoker I have ever known. Yet I hesitate to name him the best man I have known.
But what is a "great man?" A man who has done the most to change the world? By that criteria, Cheney is a great man.
My father has not changed the world, but he has done no harm. He has smoked out hundreds of his weedless peers.
[exhaling huge blunt it] It's so good to have you back, Bart
I missed this place
You need to hit this shit.
Bart we missed you. We were smoking spice for awhile
The boy doesn't need to hear about that
Spice? What the hell?
This family only smokes the finest herb. Why were you smoking legal gas station weed?
All that matters is our son and this kush
What was it like over there, Bart?
Marge, the boy doesn't want to talk about it. Let him enjoy the blunt.
We missed you so much, Bart. Things got bad
It wasn't that bad
[to Bart] We were smoking legal gas station weed.
You left us.
He was defending his country
There wouldn't even be weed if it wasn't for men like Bart
I'm not a hero.
Don't be modest. You killed bad men who wanted to hurt our country.
It's more complex than that.
The only heroic thing I did was getting Netanyahu arrested
He's a friend of our country
Israel is our ally, Bart
It's more complex than that.
We can't change the world... [hits blunt] So let's change the subject.
I just realized something.
What is it, honey?
[smiling proudly] We've already smoked an ounce today
This family is getting back on its feet.
I finally feel safe again.
I'm so happy my son is home from the Middle East.
You fucked up, kid.
I know, Moe... I know.
I don't know if I can get you out
It was self defense. I swear, Moe
I know that. Try telling it to a jury. You got a reputation
I was just tryin' to do right by my family
Try telling that to a jury
They offered me a plea deal.
7 years if I cop to assault with a deadly weapon. Eligible for parole after 3
What's your family gonna do for those 3 years?
You know Bart's home right? You think they'll remember your sorry ass when you get out?
Stop... please. No
You should be glad I even came down here. More than I can say for your father
Busy blazing kush with Bart
Why are you trying to turn me against my family?
You deserve better
I love them
They forgot about you
They have a lot going on
Get out of here. Don't come back.
I'm your family now
You're a shitty old weed dealer
I have other stuff going on too
No you don't
Hello Bart. You're a hero for our nation. I'm glad to see you home.
Flanders, leave now. It's family time.
He's just here to blaze for free
I wasn't planning on it but I can contribute a mango blunt wrap.
We're trying to reconnect with our damaged son.
Maggie brought up bud, not me
He's faded on spice
Can I just sit here in the smokey gazebo? I don't need to take a hit.
This is really sad.
He's like this now.
He drained a 4 day gravity bong
He's out of control
I just want to be loved
I didn't fight in Iraq for this
I want weed and a family of my own
I think this spice was laced
Chevron didn't lace your K2
Is he serious?
Why are you like this, Flanders?
Please. I respect you. Don't do this to me?
Why did you drain my father's grav bong?
We can't handle you right now, Flanders
He can't even handle himself
I just want to hotbox
This is so intrusive, Ned.
He doesn't have a family so he doesn't know what it's like
OK that's kind of harsh.
Flanders is a nuisance but he has a pure heart
I agree with the first part of that sentence.
He's got to go
[desperately inhaling the secondhand weed smoke]
This is grim.
There's no THC in that smoke. He's wasting his time.
He's making a fool of himself.
He always does.
He has a problem. There's something wrong with his mind.
I'm sorry about the bathtub.
It was a gravity bong.
I'm sorry about the gravity bong.
It's not about that.
You're upsetting my family and ruining my son's return home from the military.
I wanted to pay my respects.
You've paid your respects, so much so that we've lost almost all respect for you. Take what's left and go home. Go to bed.
I'm going home now. I'm sorry
You're sorry alright
That's enough, Lisa
He makes me sick
I didn't fight in Iraq for this.
We know, Bart. We know
He's a ridiculous man.
I wish he was dead
Lisa! Too much!
Don't talk like that, Lisa. Death is serious.
She's a rude girl sometimes
I just realized my bread is almost done. I'll be right back.
He bakes now?
He's really good at it.
So much has changed.
We've been through a lot, Bart.
We still love you.
You don't know what I've done.
I don't need to know. You're my son.
[hits the blunt] Cool.
Hot pans coming through. Clear a space. Move that candle. [Homer sets two loaf pans on the wrought iron cafe table]
This one is zucchini-pumpkin, that one is banana.
Zucchini-pumpkin?! Gourmet chef Homer!
[blushing] It's just a hobby
It's not just a hobby. He's really good
Dad, this is incredible. I'm going to gain back all the weight I lost in the army.
I would order this at a restaurant. I'm serious.
Thanks. I've been working on my recipes a lot lately.
Dad, I gotta ask... Is there herb in this bread?
He doesn't do that
My cooking and my blazing are completely separate
It's healthy to have a hobby. An outlet for your frustrations and pain
I'm just saying, Bart.
The things I've seen, the pain I feel... Baking bread isn't going to help that.
You could write about it.
How do you write about things so horrifying you can't even describe them?
I'm just trying to help.
Leave the boy alone
I'm his mother
He was a soldier. He'll always carry that with him
I appreciate you trying to help, but I'm not ready yet. Maybe one day. In the meantime I just want to blaze and eat this banana bread
The heart wants what it wants.
And this bong wants to get packed to the brim with fluffy purple kush. Let's do this.
Is this the blueberry kush?
It's called "Grape Ape"
I'm glad we're a family again
We were too hard on Flanders
He has to learn
He drained the gravity bong.
He didn't know
It was a seasoned grav bong. The water was dark yellow.
He meant no harm. We should invite him back over for a toke.
I'm so grateful to be hitting this piece with your family
Act like you've been there before
Calm down, Flanders
He's coughing up a lung!
Do you need some water?
I don't usually smoke buds of this quality
It hits hard.
I'm already blazed.
You done hitting this?
No give me another hit.
He's a masochist.
Can I have some of this bread?
That's for my family.
Come on, Flanders, don't eat the bread
It's so good
This was a mistake
I'm sorry. I'm trying to be more compassionate.
It's not your fault. It's his fault. He's an awful man.
I love getting high with my family more than anything. But a darkness still lurks inside me. I feel like I don't belong here.
What's that, Bart?
Flanders is making a mess of the gazebo. There are crumbs everywhere.
I think this relaxing time spent chiefing kind buds with with my family may only be a temporary calm before my inevitable collapse.
Guys, I'm kind of tired. Think I'm going to go to bed.
Good idea. I think we've all had enough fun for one day.
Everybody grab a dish or a bong. Let's go inside.
[From the shadows across the street, MOE watches the family enter the house]
They don't know what they have. They don't know what they've lost. [takes last hit of blunt, tosses it onto street]
How I've longed for a son like Ken. Yet these fools let him rot in prison. Alone, all alone. He pushes me away, but he will understand.
The feds are breathing down my neck
What do you want me to do?
You have connections.
Not in the FBI
Calm down. You need to hit this. It's called drips
Dabs, sir. Not even close
My son is going to grow up without a father. I'm his fucking hero, do you understand? And I'm headed to prison
Not my problem
After all the times I bailed your guys out of drug trafficking charges
And I'm grateful for that. But I can't help you.
My son... my family...
Maybe you should have thought about that before you dishonored your badge so profoundly.
You asked me to
Yes. YOU. YOU. And YOU did what I asked. And now YOU will face the consequences. Good day, Officer Wiggum
I can give you my lawyer's business card. That will be the extent of my assistance in this matter.
The pig's actions are catching up with him.
Our humble town will become smokeless
Could this be my final joint?
[hits the blunt, passes it to MARGE]
[hits the blunt]
[exhales blunt hit]
[exhales blunt hit]
I love Bart
I'm ashamed of my actions. I've killed so many people. Each memory is a nightmare that follows me like a shadow. [exhales blunt hit]
[hits blunt] My family is nearly reunited but our recent traumatic experiences still distance us from one another [exhales blunt hit]
I don't deserve to be alive.
I wish I could believe in hell so I could know I'd end up there. I wish I could believe in anything but death. I belong in hell.
My mind is a mass grave.
Every moment is a nightmare.
[exhales massive hit of blueberry kush]
My brother despairs. His crimes weigh heavy on his mind. He will not accept our forgiveness. There is a darkness in him.
Outwardly my son appears content to blaze and relax with his family. But there is a shadow in his eyes. He is not really home.
Wheres the grinder?
In the bathroom
Nevermind it's in the freezer for some reason
It activates the THC
That makes sense
Is that true?
[exhales blunt hit] I've heard that before. I think it's true
It crystallizes it... makes it stronger
That makes sense
Why would I make that up
[hits blunt] Did you freeze this bud? It's potent.
You only freeze the grinder. If you freeze the nugs it kills the molecules.
[exhales blunt hit] That makes sense.
[hits blunt] I'm craving eggs for some reason.
We're out of eggs.
All I know is, I'm blazed out of my mind.
Let's try to smoke another ounce today
I could do that on my own
I don't want to go to work today. I'm too high. I'd rather spend time with my beautiful family. I want to smoke an ounce of kush.
Don't worry, Apu is on his way.
Apu can finally feel safe.
Can apu hit the grav bong?
Apu's going to think he's smoking his own sweaty bath water
How yellow was it?
It looked toxic.
Apu's bath water looked toxic but it went down like Arizona chilled tea
Did it hasten the process by which THC affects you?
I don't want to talk about it. That water is gone.
That's fine, father.
I'm here for a dub, I'll smoke it at home.
Sit with us.
Sit down with my family, I'll smoke you up for free.
I have my own money, and my own family.
Just sit down.
Sit down in between us.
That space is only big enough for a small child.
Smoke with us.
Hit this crystal bong. My only spoil of war.
This bong is fucked up on so many levels
It hits like a dream
It will make you really high.
I haven't smoked in three hours.
I'll help you clear your hit.
Why are you avoiding eye contact with me?
You're licking your lips a lot.
I can't stop.
They're really chapped and scabby.
I want to use a different piece.
We're using this one.
I don't want to.
Smoke this scabby bong.
It makes you higher.
That makes no fucking sense.
Sorry that my fucking flesh isn't good enough for you?
Nobody would want to do this.
I want a hit, pronto.
This bong makes me higher, it's from my dad's THC-encrusted lips
I can't stop hitting this smelly weed.
Is it the weed that smells? Or the top of the bong?
This bong is turning brown from Homer's dirty mouth
Am I ruining an ancient piece?
You're making it better.
I've yet to get high.
I don't want to. I'm leaving. I'll go through your living room to say bye to Lisa.
Lock the fucking doors.
Apu. You're not leaving my pink house until you hit this.
It's really nasty and so fucking weird.
Try to leave. I dare you
We're keeping you here until you're high enough to be happy for one fucking second.
I'm happy around my real family
This is your real family. Does your wife toke with you?
She cleans our pieces
That's a waste. Take a hit.
If I take a hit from this brown-tinged bong can I leave?
Yes. But you won't want to.
I think I will. [grabs bong]
[exhales] The rim of the bong stuck to my lips a little bit.
Now we have your skin on it too
It tastes like sewage
That's just rude.
Nothing you guys do is normal. I'm out.
Bye you ungrateful bum
I'm going to be sick
I'm going outside.
Yeah. I'm rolling an L
I'll be out in a second. I need water. My lips are infected.
Maggie, you need to take deeper tokes.
It makes me cough
Just breathe in deeper and hold it, coughing makes you higher
How come unsanitary things make weed so much better?
I'm not a fucking scientist. Shut your mouth and pass the blunt.
I'm high too. Just kidding. Pass it.
I haven't gotten a second hit.
I haven't gotten a first.
I'm already good.
I still dream about spice. Let me hit that weed.
Sometimes, I think of you hitting spice, and I get so mad that I have to smoke
You're always smoking.
I'm always mad.
You smoked long before I hit spice.
So? I wanted to kill myself.
You never told us why.
I was sober.
Do you need to hear more? I was sober for 8 years. I wanted to die.
You were 8 years old.
There's more to it than that.
I'll tell you if I can actually get a fucking hit today
Guys. Leave Bart alone. And roll a second blunt. Father is here now.
I love my toking father.
Apu isn't responding to his texts.
Lately, Flanders has filled the role of Apu.
[exhales] Apu is lame now
Look at this
What the fuck is that?
A giant flying fox. A type of bat. It's called a "megabat"
Stop showing us these weird rodent pictures on your phone.
I like my new smartphone
Turn it off
I always thought that I'd die from some kind of rodent.
Bats aren't rodents.
That shit looks like any other rat
Sorry for using your phone for this, sister.
It's why I got it.
Shut your mouths and smoke
I'm too high to look at this shit. I need to go outside.
Did I upset you, father?
I hate you kids sometimes
Dad things bats are rodents.
I pissed him off.
I started it.
Just shut the fuck up please
They shouldn't be able to fly. They have normal bones.
Birds can fly because of their hollow bones. Bats have normal ones.
So bats aren't birds?
I think they're bugs
They eat bird bones, that helps them stay in the air.
Will a bat carry the world on its wings?
It's small body has a fierce passion.
Why are you in our gazebo?
Who the fuck is that guy?
Call the cops.
Wait I'm sor-
He's still talking.
He speaks nonsense.
Where is my wife
The beautiful Simpson wife invited me into your stoner's paradise.
This guy is obnoxious
I'm really nervous. This guy is just staring into space.
His eyes are glazed over
He's probably high.
I fucked up.
I saw this guy at work. He was sitting alone in a closet rolling Js out of sandpaper
He's probably psychotic.
You're in my gazebo, uninvited. You can either start smoking, and stop talking, or leave with the authorities.
This is a nightmare. I'm going skating.
Can I tag along?
Can you leave me the fuck alone and let me grind in piece?
I want to die more than anything.
That fucking Homer only ever invites apu to his house. Never room for me.
Marge was always nice to you
Marge can smoke like the rest of the guys
She smokes weed in order to become stoned and hungry
a green Venus
I disagree with Islam.
What do you know about it?
I just don't like it.
I'm so tired. Instead of sleeping I'm going to smoke some more green. I know it's unhealthy but I can't stop. I love smoking weed.
I am a drug addict.
I've denied it for decades but I know it's true.
I need help with my drug problem. I can't control myself. I'm a weed smoking machine.
No matter what I'm doing, I'm always chasing that next nug.
Weed smoke clouds every memory and experience. My life is a waking dream.
I wanted to be an artist once. Now I mechanically pursue the means to stay blazed. I am a slave to this wicked plant.
Movies, TV, music, "Stoner culture"...They sanction and glorify full blown drug addiction. I didnt realize this until it was too late
I need to take a walk.
Hey Homer. You look...sober?
I'm going through some shit
Toke with me?
Nah but...what's that? A blunt?
It's a Swisher sweet.
Lemme hit that
This shit taste like gumdrop pillows.
They cost two dollars a pack
I love this already
I'm inhaling the smoke all the way into my lungs, holding it in and then exhaling.
Don't do that.
I'm going to buy a pack.
I think you should chill with bud
I literally need more Swishers to stay "okay".
You lose your phone?
Just give me a pack of your sweetest swishers.
Why are your eyes white?
Homer is a lonely guy. He's been through hell. Maybe I've been an asshole. He makes me really uncomfortable though.
He's kind to me in a weird way. But his scabs and odor get to me. I can't believe I bathed in his pink house.
Maybe I should stop by.
Just wanted to see how you're doing
I'd like to get some of your bud
This household is weird today. Homer hasn't smoked for hours.
I'll come toke
That'd be nice, moe.
Youll get greens
No shit I'll get greens are you kidding me?
Ah man...Burns' plant. Haven't been here in a while. I'll pop in.
Look what Marley dragged in.
What the fuck
Don't take Bob's name in vein.
Fuck yourself, stoner. You haven't been to work in a year.
You son of a bitch
You're smoking an M right now.
It's an "L", first of all, secondly this is a weedless cigarillo.
It smells like pie
This shit taste like dental bill debt
You're an addict.
I'm off weed now. This is enough for me.
Did you come here to blow smoke in my face?
I came here to think.
Ah, but not to work. Never to work.
Sorry. I quit three hours ago. I'm still low.
I don't know what that means.
You could have had it all here, Homer.
I don't want it.
You don't know what goes on behind the scenes
We all know you sell weed.
Sonic has loose lips.
Not about his father.
True. He misses him.
That kid needs to see someone.
That kid needs to get beat up
He's a prick.
Before you go, I have an offer for you.
I need someone to sell for me.
I don't carry brick anymore.
This isn't brick. It's smaller scale.
No hash? no kush?
Seeds and stems.
We need someone on the elementary school front.
You want me to sell stems to children?
They'll buy anything.
We package them in empty Doritos bags and sell them in the woods.
Why empty Doritos bags?
They can chow on the flavor dust when they're high.
They like it.
They don't know any better.
It's called project Plaseedbo and it works wonders.
These kids need real pot.
And you don't?
Take it or leave it, Simon.
Seeds and stems my boy. Seeds and stems.
Marge. It's been so long.
Last time I saw you, you were drunk and your balls were hanging out.
I fucked up
We all do. Have some hash.
I can't smoke brown stuff. It will make me couch locked.
This is good hash, though.
Just give me a hit of your lightest green shit. Sativa shit for me.
Here you go man.
I'm high just looking at this
You're kidding, dad... You're giving up kush?
I'm interested in finance now.
It's what I want.
What the hell are you smoking?
It's a fruit punch Swisher.
We used to smoke the finest herb.
It tastes like candy.
I want to live a sober life. I'm tired of my desire for marijuana determining every aspect of my existence.
I know you're angry but this makes me happy.
Fuck your happiness.
I didn't fight in Iraq for this.
Weed smoker Homer was a zombie, an addict. Sober Homer is a complete human being.
Weed smoker Homer was my father.
My husband left behind sixteen kilos of fluffy green and purple buds
He loves his family.
He loved getting high..
He was a true smoker.
Marge...I'm here for you... [MOE leans in for a kiss]
Hello and sorry Hom-
What on God's green Earth is going on here?
Apu, you piece of shit. Why are you here? You hate these people.
I came here to apologize to the lonely yellow man
You've overstepped your boundaries. I'M the new man of this pot den
I've been high as fuck with this man and his young children for years
I supplied that ungrateful, unloving bald fuck
At the end, he was smoking six bricks of hash and 2 ounces a day
He smoked like a champion but he loved like a coward
Get the fuck away from me. I'm calling Homer.
He's selfish. He's out there, sober, thinking things over, he won't believe you
Homer loves me more than anyone or anything. He snapchatted me every blunt he rolled for four years
Leave. Or I'll get serious.
Put that away..
Get the FUCK out. I NEED this Apu. I need to smoke pot with this divine woman and her kids
You're cornered now. Leave. I'll step aside. But if you stay here, I can't guarantee your safety.
Homer wanted nothing but to get lifted out of his shitty mind with his son.
He had that kid and did nothing but corrupt him, he turned him against the rest of his family, and kept him as a weed smoking pet
Homer forgot about what made him love Marge. her gentle laugh. Her massive tokes, and her rolling skills. Among other things.
Homer....that piece of shit. He always had what I never did. I rolled in cash and free bud, but I never spent the night with a woman.
Now I'm taking what I deserve. What I've worked my entire life for. A family. And you're going to die in this humid bathroom.
Any last words?
You...will never...have her....
...my blood.....will make them higher...and stronger....as a family
My kids will only smoke bones now. But nice try.
Holy shit. I'm blazed. Marge?
Moe...Moe what the fuck?
I'm a dealer. This happens.
I'm calling the cops
I did this so we could be together.
I just wanted to toke with you, you psycho
I'm going to throw up
The atmosphere here is drying the weed out
Marge...I thought you loved me
I only love smoking pot and becoming stoned
I called the cops
I made a horrible mistake
Don't bic me, fucker.
My entire life I've wanted nothing but the love of a family. But I got into dealing and drinking and nobody loved me. I'm hideous.
I can't relate to anything or anyone unless it has bundles of cash and a bulging sandwich baggie of fire.
O, wicked fate, why did you lead me astray from society? The path I followed has room only for a single soul.
How futile my attempts to blaze and chill with lovers and friends have been. I'm cold to the touch, I'm selfish
O, world! O, sky! This somber rain you pour upon me, it is not enough. I deserve punishment! I deserve to suffer! Take me, lord.
If no one else in this world will take me, won't you? Take me into your arms, a sensation I haven't felt since my childhood with Mum.
Lord in heaven! Creator of worlds! Toke with me! Toke with me in the eternal beyond and let us rejoice in celestial bud.
I've exhaled pot smoke alone, alone in a damp bar for my entire life. I'm surrounded by people but...I'm ultimately by myself.
In a desperate attempt to secure love for myself, I have ruined a family. I took what wasn't mine. I strayed from the path of fate.
This....This is my absolution.
[Moe lifts revolver to his head]
If I could see them all now. All the people I hurt...
If I could see them and tell them where my stash is. Just to make up for the lives I've ruined. Would they understand?
I filled a role. A necessary role in this. Without me as a catalyst, things would not move forward. But I went too far.
I hurt the only people who trusted me. And now, here, I face my cosmic exoneration. In front of my pub...I built this.
After all of this, I understand. Weed was everything. Weed and cash. Man delights not me! Bud, tender bud. Take me home.
This grav bong is hitting so hard.
The smoke has a copper taste
Mom? You need some snacks?
Let's get so high that we trip.
I'm budded out
I'm sorry I ruined this before, it's hitting hard, what's your secret
I'm a terrible mother.
All moms should watch their kids get high
I'm thinking about bats again
I think you put watermelon lokos in this. Kudos to Apu.
Apu must have graced our bong again
Praise be to him
I'm going to stay here a while and smoke your weed, you cool?
Our dad quit, so go ahead.
Who could quit when you have hits as coppery as this.
Copper Diesel is the new shit
I read it in High Times
I'm gonna go in the kitchen and lick my lips for a bit.
Flanders chilled out.
Ned's good now.
Phew. I can't compete with hits this coppery. I need to steal this piece. I have Nelson in my basement producing spice.
If I can give him this grav bong, he can analyze it, and make a THC analogue that will make me rich..then I can buy a real dub.
I hate my new dad. I hate my new dad. I hate my new dad. I hate my new dad.
Could I borrow this bottle? I wanna figure out the science behind it
It's simple you fucking dolt. A vacuum effect.
Ah, I...I just don't really get those vocabulary words. I wanna see it myself. You know.
This is our piece.
I thought you were chill now?
I want to support myself, just trying to learn more about weed.
Bugger off then
Can I spend the night?
And eat our snacks?
Contribute once in a while, won't ya?
I'm going to throw a fit
Fuck this. I'm lying down on the couch.
Please calm down everyone. Calm down and keep smoking.
Mom. What the fuck is dad's problem?
This is serious. He's sober.
It's a phase
He's smoking swisher cigars.
I can't handle any more of this. I'm going to explode.
You smoked too much today
I'm freaking the fuck out. I can feel my heart pounding out of my chest. I need to sit down.
I saw people die over there. Relax
Stop bringing up your tour in the middle east.
I'm just saying. You've seen nothing.
Oh god, oh my fucking god. Help me.
Help me please. Oh my god.
This is dad's fault. All of this is dad's fault. I'll never forgive him.
I've been home ten minutes. Yet...I haven't had a hit?
Take one. This grav bong is sweet.
This is..is this Apu's work? I've tasted this somewhere before.
It's good shit
Why am I shaking? What is this?
Why is dad's razor on the floor?
He probably dropped it from being too sober
He's not used to having motor skills.
This is sketchy.
Keep smoking. There's a new digital short I want to show you.
No, no, something is wrong here.
I'm going to the gazebo.
Don't go in there.
What are you hiding, wench?
What am I going to see when I go into that Gazebo?
Get the fuck off me!
Holy shit. [lights joint]
Did you kill this guy?
Are you pieces of shit smoking legal bud again?
This isn't good. You know that right? We won't get away with this. Fuck. Fuck, mother. I'm going to have to take the blame for this.
It wasn't me. I swear.
Who else was in this house?
Oh my god
Who was it?
You're going to kill him.
Tell me who did this.
I need time. I can't describe what happened.
Wait. Did I see Flanders on the couch? Holy shit.
[Bart exits gazebo. Marge looks once again at Apu. She begins panicking, while continuously ripping a pipe]
Mr. Simpson! What are you doing here?
You want to toke it?
I got a bag for you, 2 grams, $60.
Take it or leave it.
...I'll take it.
This is just stems and seeds?
This is coveted. Chewing stems makes you high as shit. Plus you can grow. Now beat it.
Give me my money back!
I have to feed my family. Get lost.
I'm telling my dad.
You'll tell no one if I kill ya
You used to be chill, Mr. Simpson.
Things change. I'm a working man now. Eat your stems.
I kind of want to smoke.
Be my guest? I don't give a shit. You smoke all the time.
I'm sober now.
Six hours ago.
That's enough for a good tolerance break.
It's not a T-break.
Listen, I don't give a shit about your problems. I just deliver stems for you to sell to children.
Kids need real pot.
little kids need REAL kush to smoke or else they'll be ripped off all their lives. They'll be smoking regs when they're 30.
Not my problem. I fucking sell regs.
Yeah, you're kind of a prick for that.
Go away you mean guy
I'm mean when I'm sober, deal with it.
The merchant's cherry has been snuffed out.
By the hand of a desperate toker.
Get the fuck up Flanders
I'm going to kill your ass
You drained my family's precious grav bong, and now you've desecrated our gazebo with a corpse. You are the least chill.
There's a corpse in the gazebo?
You get so high you don't remember killing a man? Are you that lightweight? [exhales hit]
I might be a lightweight but I'm not a fucking murderer. You're projecting. Maybe you did it.
You're a trained killer. You probably miss it.
That's fucked up.
It's true. You're a machine.
You're in denial. Maybe that's why this happened. you're trying to repress it, and now it manifests in a real murder.
Why would I kill on American Soil?
Maybe you're a psycho. Maybe you were too high. Maybe you're just a racist.
I'm not a fucking racist.
You're a killer, though.
I've killed many, true but-
What's one more to you?
I need another hit.
You killed him.
I need to smoke, right now.
With pleasure. This family is fucked up. I miss my son, and don't want you to kill me too. Goodbye.
What have I done?
Why are we in this closet?
We're hotboxing it.
What else, dear sister of mine? What else.
[lighting bowl] That grav bong is hitting intensely.
It's an intense high, i can barely move. It tickles.
I know why dad licked his lips all the time now.
Father....did he take one toke too many?
I love him...
Guess what I just found [exhales]
This was my first roach.
It's drier than bird bones
This takes me back. Bart, Ken Father and Mother...and me...before you were born.
We toked almost nonstop.
We'd sit in the treehouse, watching the gazebo get built. We passed joint after joint.
No bongs yet?
What was it like?
We always tried to keep a patch of sky above our lives...
We read Proust.
All of it?
We sat down, smoked weed and read the entire thing.
...We smoked too much. We fiended.
But you were already smoking all the time?
We'd get high off one joint, then smoke another 3 hours later.
After a while, father started to bring burlap sacks of kush home every day. We were smoking nonstop. We got three bongs. The cat died.
We knew we'd always have bud. We cleaned our pieces daily, we never would have needed resin...we never imagined that happening.
I'm going to cry.
Sister, it was heaven for a while but...we stopped caring about art. We stopped really talking.
We were constantly scheming to get higher than one another. One time mother got so high that she ran into the woods for three days.
But still, when we were together, it was good...you remember. We loved each other. We just couldn't stop re-upping. We couldn't stop..
Then, the terrorists struck... they knocked those towers down and our family was destroyed.
Brother Bart went away...
Why did this shit happen to us? Why couldn't we live in Croatia or something?
I don't know. Maybe it was fate.
Was it fate that our brother became an instrument of death? That our father now smokes swishers?
I don't know. Maybe.
I just wish we could go back. Back to when weed was fun. We'd just get high and laugh a lot. We never asked for any of this, sister.
It's not a microphone.
Oh-sorry [takes big fat hit]
Ken, we need some help over in G Block, can you help out?
Sure, no problem.
The cord on the buffer is tangled. It's in the utility closet. I'll wait over here.
Cool. Be right back.
[exhales Mango Grape Mist Swisher Sweet smoke] I'm starting to feel good about my life. Quitting weed was the right thing to do.
I want to go home to see my beautiful family. I love them more than ever now that I'm sober. My mind is clear and I love my wife.
Everything is getting better. The winds of sobriety have dispersed the fog of kush malaise. I love being alive.
[exhales Swisher smoke] What the fuck?
Homer, let me explain.
Dear God. Dear God. Jesus fucking Christ.
What did you to do him? What did you do to my beautiful friend?
Something bad happened
He's dead... He's fucking dead
Moe... He... He came over to blaze.
What was Moe doing here?
Doesn't matter... He... got in a fight with Apu
Moe was high out of his mind. He shouldn't smoke hash.
He was in my home? Smoking my family's hash?
You quit smoking
Maybe I shouldn't have. Even when I was smoking an ounce a day it was never this bad. Maybe sobriety was a mistake.
This isn't your fault, Homer. Moe was unhinged. He was lonely. Apu was in the wrong place at the wrong time.
This isn't your fault, Homer. Moe was unhinged. He was lonely. Apu was in the wrong place at the wrong time.
Why aren't the cops here yet?
I didn't call yet.
What the fuck? What is wrong with you people?
I'm so faded.
Thanks for calling, Homer. Unfortunately I have some more bad news. We found Moe's body on the way over here. Self inflicted gunshot
When will this violence end?
[aside] This all worked out pretty well for me
How could you let this happen, Marge?
I need to keep smoking.
Don't push your sobriety on me
Everyone knows it's not going to last.
You're a bad father.
You let my friends die.
Go smoke your fruity little cigars.
They make me happy.
I smoke them because they help me relax. It's not about the flavors.
I saw your flavor chart. Stop lying.
Leave me alone.
You used to appreciate the complex natural aromas of kush.
I have to go. Sorry about your friends.
Hello, are you related to Ken Simpson?
That's my brother, yes.
There's been an incident.
We need someone to come down to the county morgue to identify a body.
Since my return the world has only grown darker. I thought I could repair them and myself. But my return was just the final blow
These innocents are suffering for my crimes. President Bush has announced a troop surge in Iraq. PMC services will be in demand.
I'll talk to my contacts at Blackwater. I must return to that treacherous region. I cannot cause any more suffering at home.
Sir, the people are trying to tear down the compound gates.
Christ almighty this feels like it might be the end
The people on TV are calling it "The Arab Spring." We don't have the manpower to stop the protesters.
Go home to your wife
I dug my own grave. You guards don't deserve to die for my hubris and greed.
What will you do sir?
[lights huge blunt] I'm staying here. These people deserve justice
Go to your family. You owe me nothing
May this "Arab Spring" end the long winter of suffering at the hands of profiteers and warmongers such as myself. [hits blunt]
Suddenly my son and two friends have vanished from the earth. How I miss my fragrant kush! But I will stay strong.
Although I want more than anything to spark a fat blunt, I will continue to puff on this weedless cigarillo.
If I give in I will lose everything. What remains of my life depends on these fruity Swishers.
Dear God give me the strength to smoke these Swisher Sweet blunts until the end of my life. I want to be sober forever.
My son is dead, strangled in the bowels of a corrupt prison. My husband's friends are dead. My other son is going to Iraq.
[simultaneously] One brother, dead. The other, violent, aloof. Our father, struggling with sobriety. What will become of us
I need Swishers
I need to kill
I miss my son
I don't feel safe
I need to get higher
The marijuana plant
Weed smoke washes
The blood from his hands
This fallen family
This fallen family
We need the herb
They need the herb
The marijuana herb
♫ Homer! O, Homer! Thou innocent stoner. ♫
♫He's sober, He's sober.
♫He's dead to this world!♫
♫Ours is a world of dank nugs and brown hash,
Our sober patriarch will never survive♫
Our sober patriarch will never survive♫
♫Simpson and Homer♫
♫Homer is sober♫
♫Simpson and Homer♫
♫Over and over♫
You need human blood.
That's beyond fucked.
It will make us rich.
I can't kill! I Just want to smoke.
We can buy our own dubs. Re can roll our own joints.
Father, I can't do it.
You'll stay in this dark basement making spice forever then. Goodnight, shitstain.
♫My new dad is an awful guy
He'll do anything to get high
I just want a little love
and a fresh hit of sticky bud♫
Save me from strife
I'm locked in a basement
producing some spice♫
♫I want a real father
So I won't be alone
I want a true father
To roll me a bone
But I stay alone
I stay alone
I stay alone♫
♫You've got brains kid
I can't tell a lie
You've got what it takes
To keep this town high♫
Who are you?
I can be the world to you, young one. I can save you.
Do you have bud?
A tanker full
How did you get in here? How do you know me?
Flanders brought your shit to me. Not bad for an amateur.
I want weed
I can give you pot.
I want love. I want love and marijuana.
I'll keep you fucking high, come with me.
But...my new dad.
I'm your dad now. And I love you.
I'll treat you right, Nelson.
♫Like father and son
Our love is the future
The family bong
Will rip all night long
Father and son
Daddy and boy and weed♫
I secured the poor kid. We'll have copper spice in no time.
That's cool. He's cool and so are you.
You're just a really cool guy. I'm glad you called me. What do you wanna talk about now?
Nothing. I need to hang up.
You're cool man thanks for being my friend. You're smart too.
This guy sucks.
He's high and I'm not
Everyone. This is my boy Nelson. He's not very easy on the eyes, but he makes god spice.
And I smoke like a pro.
I hate this ugly kid.
I sold stems to his dad for $120. He lost his house. I can't look at this mess.
Now, Nelson, I know you know the secret to the Copper Diesel. Why don't you make some for us?
Uhh...let me smoke first...
I told you, I'll let you rip a bong once you produce the finest fake bud for us to sell. Now get to work you ugly shit. I love you.
I love you, you poor piece of crap. you smell like shit and I love you. You will have so much weed if you do this for us, fucker.
Stop looking at me like that. I'm your dad, but I'm also a business man. I need to run this town. You know that. Now make the spice.
I'm worried about the escalation in the middle east.
The people there know what's good for them, just leave it to them
I think we should intervene.
I don't. It's their business. The people of Egypt are full of hope.
They need us.
Why? So we can get a foot in their economy? [exhales hit] Egypt is fine without us. They're doing good.
They're a mess.
Just smoke and relax. The crisis in the middle east will resolve itself.
We need troops over there. And weapons.
I think we should cut off ties with Israel
What the fuck?
You sick fuck. You sick man.
♫Israel is heaven on Earth♫
♫chill out and just smoke some herb♫
♫Israel won't fall with America's help♫
♫Israel can never do wrong♫
♫Shut up and rip on this bong♫
Israel is heaven on Earth♫
♫Can't I be Israeli?
Can't I be chosen?
My life here is meaningless
Israel is my sweet mistress♫
Okay, I'm done, just take a plane to Israel. Go live there, you monster.
You're an anti-semite. Israel is definitely good.
I'm leaving, you're right. I'm going to move to Israel, join the IDF and fight God's Battle. Goodbye.
Don't bic me.
I've gone through three dads in a year, is it worth smoking? I just think about pot all fucking day, it's driving me insane.
I'm gullible. I'm weak and dependent. I just want a father figure. And I want someone to supply me with weed. Is it too much?
I was always jealous of Bart. His dad coming home with big moneybags full of kush. We were lucky to smoke mids in my trailer.
Am I a fool? How'd I get into this mess? How can one plant have this much control over me? But god damn, it tastes so sweet.
I wonder what those cigarillos Homer smokes taste like...I wonder, if I smoke them, will I be more like him? Will I belong?
I'm fat. I'm balding already. I smell like shit. I want to fucking kill myself. I want to die. My only friends are online.
My only two friends, who are online, haven't responded to my steam messages in 6 weeks. They hate me. They know I'm ugly.
Ugly boy! Come to the lab. We're just getting sta-
Don't move, shitty kid.
My god. Wiggum? You've turned?
This town has gone too far.
You were my #1 customer.
Yeah. I love fluffy buds. They rule. They... they really rule. But I can't let Simpson City be a drug capital. Not now. Not ever.
You're making a mistake.
You're going to jail.
You'll miss it.
You can always get pot.
Not in my city
You can't arrest my new dad! He loves my ugly mug!
He's using you, kid.
He loves me! You're evil!
I'll-I'll kill you Wiggum!
I'm doing something good here! He's a bad man!
HE LOVES ME!
Holy shit...You're a good son. Are you okay?
I killed him.
He was a pig. They all have it coming.
I... I guess I can make the spice now...
It's.. it's pretty easy...
My son is a murderer.
♫My new son killed a cop
My new son killed a cop
A cop died from my son
A cop died from my son
My ugly boy killed a policeman♫
I'm going to join a PMC.
That's fucked up. You sold your soul.
I can't stop killing, even with bud.
I'll miss you brother.
I can't wait to kill again.
My son is insane.
I might join the French Foreign Legion
Let's smoke again.
One more time.
I'm already high, and honestly I don't care. I'm leaving now, family. Goodbye.
I am high, missin my brother
Bones to go around. weed smoke in my face. life is good but bart is gone
♫One son dead
One son's a killer♫
♫My daughters are disturbed
I need to smoke that Swisher♫
♫The Swisher is my new addiction
Doesn't get me high♫
♫Marijuana is an affliction
Destroy your family♫
♫It hurts your sons
♫Tiny little fruity cigar
Flavorful. My son's at war♫
♫He's killing men he doesn't know
Best flavor swisher is campfire s'mores♫
♫I miss my family
My son's deceased♫
♫I miss my family
Where's my son♫
♫Dead in jail
The criminals took my son♫
♫Son is dead♫
♫I want my boy back
I miss that dead boy♫
♫He was murdered in prison
Strangled by a criminal♫
♫Now he's gone forever
I love you Ken♫
♫My son Ken used to brighten my world,
Now he's cold and dead in a grave downtown♫
♫The boy's in his grave
His final resting place♫
♫The boy's in his grave
His final resting place♫
♫The boy's in his grave
His final resting place♫
♫The boy's in his grave
♫More than anything
I miss my son♫
♫He was strangled by a drug dealer
Inside of a closet♫
♫Next to a toolbox
♫My boy Bart he loves to kill
♫Loves to kill
Loves to kill♫
♫Piling up the bodies in a terrible hill
♫He shoots the men & stabs them dead
♫Stabs them dead
Stabs them dead♫
♫Their ghosts will roam his spiky head
♫One son is dead
♫One son's a killer
♫I'm smoking this Swisher
♫I'm smoking this Swisher
♫I need it to live
♫I need it to live
♫Take a hit
Take a life♫
♫There's no difference
For a man like me♫
♫I am a monster
I murder and toke♫
♫I am a monster
♫I've caused so much pain
I've caused so much death♫
♫The weed helps me rest
The weed helps me rest♫
♫My mind is ablaze
With the screams of my victims♫
♫I sit here and blaze
To silence their cries
♫The blueberry kush
Will keep me alive♫
♫Our brother's a killer
Our father is sober♫
♫Our mother is desperate
Our brother's a corpse♫
♫Underneath the city
Our brother's skeleton screams♫
♫He wants to be alive
He was murdered by a drug dealer in prison♫
I see my brother's ghost in my dreams
He screams at us through the veil of sleep
Everything around me smells like blood.
Do you smell that?
Do you smell the blood?
I smell it. Always.
Even through the dank kush aroma I sense the metallic tang of freshly spilled blood
Iraqi President Sharif Millhouse was assassinated this morning. His body was dragged through the streets.
This is insane.
Lisa! Maggie! Come here! Millhouse has been killed
Did Bart do this?
It was protesters. They're calling it "Arab Spring"
Turn it off... it's horrifying
It's history. You need to see it.
I'll always remember where I was when Millhouse died
I'm getting my own apartment. I can't be around these drugs. I need to stay sober.
Millhouse was killed.
He was a tyrant and a murderer
He was our son's friend
He was an unbridled piece of shit. He had to go.
Sometimes it doesn't make sense to be chill.
He was just a boy
He was 24.
He sold hash to Al Qaeda
I didn't know that
It was fucked up
That is really fucked up
My boy did good by me. And now we have a pound of copper diesel to sell.
That's good. But he seems to be going batshit.
That kid goes insane any time he passes a mirror. It's true, his only friends are online. He doesn't even have a cellphone.
I think he's cool.
I'd rather you not stand here and talk to me as you toke. Please leave.
Nelson. Wanna toke?
I'm sober, so, obviously?
I want to share my weed with you.
I have my first dub
Yeah it's what da-Mr. Flanders always wanted. Just one dub.
This is a .8 dub...
You're telling me this is only .8 of one gram?
Flanders? What are you doing here?
I heard about your loss. I'm sorry. He was a good man.
My husband was a narc, I won't miss him.
I need a man who can smoke with my fat son.
Can I see the young Wiggum? I can pass it for a few minutes, just to see how he is. Man to man.
Discipline my boy.
Go and fuck yourself, bum
Chill out. I'll smoke with you.
Yeah, MY weed.
I have no qualms with smoking an elementary school student's bud for free.
Sure, take a hit, jesus christ.
This is a pretty nice house. I can see myself mowing that lawn...fuck i'm blazed.
Please don't mow my dad's lawn.
Your dad isn't here, kid, my son killed him. My rotten ex-son.
That kid has issues.
Tell me about it [exhales]
Isn't this nice... It's nice to have a real man passing it on the couch with my son...it almost feels like a home again.
You're gonna give me a hit too, right?
Of course. I'm a gentlemen.
My gradeschool kid gets good bud
You got a handsome boy...smart too. Better take good care of him.
Can you leave now?
Flanders, step outside with me.
[ext. Wiggum back yard]
Could use a good mowing.
You're a nice man.
I've known you for so long. I know you always just wanted to settle down. You've made mistakes but we all have. You're lonely.
Every man takes the limits of his own field of vision for the limits of the world.
Exactly... [rips bong] Exactly.
But...I can offer you my field of vision too.
You can expand my horizons.
I can give you everything.
I can picture a gazebo here.
Jumping the gun a little bit? [she giggles]
After 9/11, I knew anything could happen. I just wanted a son. And weed, of course, by the way, pass it. I tried to take all that.
Green passion surges through my veins, directing me to the nearest lit piece, and ripping me apart inside.
I'm. I'm a mess inside, I don't know if I'm up to the task of a family. But I know I WANT to try. Maybe it's the weed talking...
But, here it is, being laid out in front of me, an opportunity not to take for myself but to offer myself to wholseome tokers.
I think it's worth a shot.
I'm only thinking about my boy
A healthy pot smoking boy to call my own...
♫Alone all my life
Soiled with grief
I will soon take a wife
I will soon have a wife♫
♫What about my needs♫
♫Toke by toke
puff by puff
I've gained a family through a tragic loss♫
♫I truly need help with my grievance♫
Light the joint
Just light the joint, it's not hard
Hold on a second
I miss my sons
Light it and pass it! Miss him later!!!
My daughters are fiends, they're obsessed with pot.
I'm going to take a couple ounces and stash them. I don't trust my kids. My least favorite boy is buried, what the fuck
My husband is sober now. The house smells like cigarillos. He's a weirdo, I don't know him anymore. But he loves us. He can help.
I need your help, husband.
What is it?
Our daughters are fiending, bad.
Alright kids. This is tough for me. But I have to put a stop to this.
You're going to smoke again?
Through me you go into a city of weeping; through me you go into eternal pain; through me you go amongst the lost people.
Foul, plant, destroyer of things, ender of peace! This is your first and final lighting, this is the beginning and end.
You've torn everything to shreds. I have a dead boy, a crazy boy, and two girls who beg for you incessantly. You're evil!
Evil exists. Good and evil exist. And this is the bud of satan, the fallen angel, the betrayer of paradise, this is the serpent.
I know now that this was all a mistake. And I will save my family from this chaos. Goodbye, pestilent devil. And good riddance!
Dad...what the fuck
This was drastic.
This needed to happen.
It's a byproduct of my biggest act of peace and goodness. I can take solace in this blazedness for now.
I can rest easy, knowing that my kids are safe. I love my family more than anything.
Homer...In a way I'm proud...
The Father Simpson's decisive moment
The sober patriarch's sacrifice
Echo de menos la mala hierba
All of this time I blamed my problems on the scourge of marijuana... but my addiction was only a symptom of a deeper problem
When I think back to my adolescence, the time when I began toking herb, I now realize another monumental shift that took place
Our lives are different.
I don't like it.
Dad bought us a lifetime supply of swishers
It's been days and I think I have emphysema
I miss weed
It's good for us, sister
I want to get high.
I can't appreciate Krautrock anymore
My tastes have changed.
We should apply to college now. Let's just move on.
Yeah, we've been lazy.
I think we'll have fun there.
I have a friend there who goes to raves
Sounds fun. I miss dancing. After the attacks...
Shhh...forget about all that.
Okay. You're right. Let's go to raves.
My good college friend said she can show us a new kind of fun
I'm worried about you sober girls.
Don't worry. [to maggie] Dount we'll stay sober long.
[laughs] Don't worry mom.
My dead boy. My killer boy. My sober girls. My sad man. I love myself not. I love myself not. My life was, and is bad.
Handsome baby boy ken is dead. My girls are leaving. Bart? Bart is no more. I'm alone now. I'm alone but I have my stash.
Nobody will know. Moe can't interfere now. Homer is in his own world. I can smoke alone in the woods and cry to nobody. I'll be ok.
The daughters begin their journey.
What will lie in store?
A crystal substance
Their teeth no more.
My family is in shambles... For these past few years, I've blamed the herb. But I finally realize the real problem.
In those dark days, when every night I would fall asleep to the vicious screaming of my parents, I abandoned my Roman Catholic faith.
That Trinity, O Blessed Trinity, was replaced by the devil's trio of bong, bud, and Bic.
My beloved bishops and priests were replaced by sullen stoned teenagers... I was drawn into Satan's maelstrom.
Those blessed pages of the Gospel were replaced by Zig Zags and blunt wraps.
As the marijuana smoke has cleared from my life, the Lord has revealed himself to me yet again.
I have hidden from him too long behind these billowing clouds of kush vapor. Now I beg him to accept me back into that holy faith
My family is destroyed. Mere sobriety and reflection will not redeem them. We will need the healing power of Christ to overcome this.
In the bible, Job says, "I know that my redeemer lives, and that in the end he will stand on the earth."
He knew this, as I know this. Despite my period of waywardness, I know my redeemer lives. I know he will stand on this earth.
And I know he will forgive me of my sins. I know he will help me rebuild this shattered family. I know he will fix with mess.
Let us pray.
Our Father who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name. Thy kingdom come. Thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread, and forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us,
...and lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil.
For thine is the kingdom, and the power, and the glory, for ever and ever.